|Scene: The lobby of Suntours Paradise Club in a Spanish Costa resort. Usual posters, reps boards,etc. Open on Flamenco music.
From the rear of FOH appear SAM & LINDA. Sam is late twenties, a typical British tourist with sports emblazoned track suit and sandals. Linda has on a brightly coloured dress and sandals. They are dragged their suitcases.
Linda: This is it then, Sam?
Sam: Doesn't look as nice as the Flamingo where we stayed last time.
Linda: Nah! But it's all in. You won't know where you are after a couple of days you'll be pissed out of your head as usual.
(They come down the central aisle of the theatre)
Linda:(to member of the audience) Is it all right here,luv?
Sam: Don't start chatting to folk until we've checked in,
Linda. I want to get this stuff off. My vest reeks after twenty eight hours in that damned coach. I had to take my long johns off at the back of the bus I was starting to itch.
Linda: God! I had to change my bra and knickers in that Paris stopover. I was sweating cobs, Sam.
Sam: Knickers? Surprised you were wearing any after that accident in them funny French loos.
Linda: (To audience member in front row) Is this reception luv? I can't see anybody about. I could murder a cup of coffee.
Sam: Same here. I need a bevy. Leastways it's all paid for here.
(JO the Suntours Rep. appears on stage. Dressed in Suntours standard tracksuit.)
Jo:Welcome to Suntours Paradise Club. Trust you had a pleasant coach journey. My name is Josephine but you call me Jo. We're all on first name terms here. Always at your service to ensure you have the best holiday of your lives.
We just need to get you checked in and then your holiday begins. We need just one passport for legal reasons. Come this way please.
(SAM begins to mount the ramp with his wheeled case.)
Linda: (to another audience member) You don't mind luv if I go before you. You seem quite settled there for the moment. All right?
(Linda also mounts the ramp with her wheeled case.)
Linda: You check in Sam. I'll stay with the luggage.
Jo: This way sir.(indicating prompt side)You've got money for the box?
Sam: The box?
Linda: Safety deposit. You've got to pay for that, all rests free.
Sam: Aye, it's in me leg pocket safe and sound.
Linda:(looking around at the audience) Don't be so daft telling all folk. You don't know who's listening. No offence lady.(to lady on front row.) But you gotta be careful, what with all these foreigners about. You can trust yer own of course.
Jo: This way please sir.
Jo: You had a pleasant journey then Mrs . . ?
Linda: Wakes, Linda Wakes. Nice place you've got here.
Jo: Suntours always likes to give that extra special value to our all inclusives. There's superb accomodation,an excellent meal service and a full entertainment and sports programme. We'll probably see a lot of you during your stay here; myself and my wonderful team of cast members.
Linda: Cast members? It's like a play then?
Jo: Well we let you do the playing. We're here to ensure you enjoy every minute of your stay with us.
(Sam returns looking distraught.)
Sam: It's gone!
Sam: Aye, I put my hand in my pocket to give the man a deposit for the box. It just wasn't there. No wallet, no money, no passport. Somebody's knicked it. We're skint.
Jo: You've mislaid something, Sir?
Sam: Mislaid, no. Some buggar has pinched it. I bet it was that damned coach driver. Shifty looking buggar he were. (to audience) What do you think? You see him?
Jo: You'd better come with me Sir and file a report. These little things happen. I'm sure we can sort it out to your satisfaction. If you'd like to come along too Mrs Wakes.
Linda: See you folks in a mo. Take care.
(They all exit)