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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > The Playwrights' Gym - Feedback > Mousetrap - a one page play

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 Posted: Wed Jun 28th, 2006 02:32 pm
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mac
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Mana: 
yeah, so here's my go at it. i don't think this is my medium. i think i've avoided the rim shot ending, but i'm not so sure i've said anything worth hearing. hmm...

mac

Now What?  (new title thanks to paddy)

by mac (copyright 2006)


Hannah: Do you see it?

Mimi: I think so. Way in the back there.

Hannah: No, I think that’s a shadow.

Mimi: Really? Looks like a tail to me.

Hannah: What do we do?

Mimi: You go over there … no to the left. Good.

Hannah: Oh, I see it now. It’s definitely there.

Mimi: I’ll just reach in here … there, I can just touch it.

Hannah: HERE IT COMES!

Mimi: Get it! Use both hands!

Hannah: Got it.

Mimi: Good, now hold on tight, I’m coming around.

Hannah: It’s really squirmy.

Mimi: Bite it.

Hannah: (bites it) Eew. It smells funny.

Mimi: Well then, don’t inhale.

Hannah: What do we do with it now?

Mimi: I’m not sure. I see the others outside catch stuff, but they always take it away.

Hannah: Maybe we should just let it go then?

Mimi: But we just caught it.

Hannah: Yeah, we did. Maybe they’ll quit calling us Walter Middy now.

Mimi: That would be good. By the way, do you know who Walter Middy is?

Hannah: No, but I don’t want them to know that.

Mimi: Me either.

Hannah: It’s still squirming. I’m just going to let it go.

Mimi: Yeah. Maybe we can catch it again later. After we’ve figured out what we’re supposed to do next.


Fin.

Last edited on Wed Jun 28th, 2006 10:55 pm by mac

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 Posted: Wed Jun 28th, 2006 03:03 pm
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Edd
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Mana: 

mac. I love the way they called - since they had never heard of him - Walter Mitty, Walter Middy.  Fun. Topakta Topakata!

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 Posted: Wed Jun 28th, 2006 03:27 pm
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Paddy
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Mana: 
It happens.  A lot more than you'd think.  The stuff you write you think is brilliant...isn't, and the stuff you put no value in, people love.

I love this.

God they are two funny cats.

You could got through it a couple of times and really tighten.  The voices are similar, but I'm not sure how crucial that is for a one-minute play.

Please...please please change the title.

Let the audience suffer a bit before they realize what is going on.  I thought Hannah bit into it a little too easily. 

The question...why are you telling the story at this moment....is answered fully.

Nicely done, Mac!

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 Posted: Fri Jun 30th, 2006 01:34 am
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Claudia
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Mana: 
And read it a few times before I thought about cats.  Of course I'm dense.  I am just thoroughly enjoying all of these.  Things do happen in a minute.

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