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 Posted: Fri Jan 2nd, 2009 10:39 pm
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timmy
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Author has deleted this play. Thanks for all the comments.

timmy

Last edited on Mon Jan 12th, 2009 12:14 am by timmy

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 Posted: Sun Jan 4th, 2009 04:13 am
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HarveyRabbit
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Timmy, I really enjoyed this. I hope, though, that it is just the beginning of something, and not the finished product. I'm curious and hooked. Where's the rest of it? I want more...

H.

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 Posted: Sun Jan 4th, 2009 04:19 am
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Edd
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Timmy,

Crisp and snappy with great pacing.  I liked it.  Thank you.

Best,
Edd

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 Posted: Tue Jan 6th, 2009 07:29 pm
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timmy
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Completed play here. I don't write this kind of stuff often. Too implausible? Just trying to force myself to try something different.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Timmy

Last edited on Tue Jan 6th, 2009 07:31 pm by timmy

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 Posted: Tue Jan 6th, 2009 07:33 pm
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katoagogo
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Mana: 
Very cool play.  Like Edd said -- 'crisp'.  The opening exchange is -- whammo I'm in.  The title, however, almost kept me from starting it -- but I know your work and know that it's strong -- so your reputation got me started.  Just thought you'd like to know that...

--kato

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 Posted: Tue Jan 6th, 2009 10:50 pm
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timmy
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Kato:

Thank you. Comments like this make me want to dance... :)

I'm getting into a bad habit of always creating my titles from a line in the play. Will consider other options here.

timmy

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 Posted: Wed Jan 7th, 2009 12:02 am
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Edd
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As for a title:  Were this my play I'd consider, although it's somewhat the opposite of what finally happens, there is a strange irony to "Act of Contrition."   It works on several layers which is a must for me.  Just a thought. 

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 Posted: Wed Jan 7th, 2009 01:31 am
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HarveyRabbit
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Actually, Timmy, I like your title. It's what drew me to read it in the first place. It provokes curiosity and suggests something potentially sinister or risqué. Change it if you will, but it worked for me.

By the way, when I first read it, the play ended on “Someone has to die tonight.” Highly dramatic but too much of a cliffhanger for an ending. I don’t know if you had initial posting problems or it was the site itself that wasn’t showing it all when I first viewed it. In any case, after reading the piece in its entirety I now see it clearly ends when it has too. Nice job.

H.


 

 

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 Posted: Wed Jan 7th, 2009 02:01 am
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timmy
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I appreciate all your thoughts, Edd :)

Thank you.

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 Posted: Wed Jan 7th, 2009 02:05 am
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timmy
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Harvey:

I diddled with what was originally posted (about 60%). What you see here is the completed version. I wrote three different endings (he dies / she dies / nobody dies) but liked this one the best.

Glad you liked the title. I value your opinion.

timmy

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 Posted: Wed Jan 7th, 2009 02:29 am
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Paddy
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Timmy.

I liked this a lot.  I think you could stretch it a bit....the second gun wasn't as interesting as...I don't know, something else?

Also....I could see them at the bus stop, and it was too open.  Somewhere closer, an elevator, a room, something tighter would heighten the fear.

Other than those two niggly things...I thought it was good...oh...yeah...not crazy on the title.  I wanted to read it because of the title, but I thought it was a ...you know...don't we all wright when we're drunk, or don't we all hate....etc.

Anyway...nice dialoge...really quite scary.

Paddy

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 Posted: Wed Jan 7th, 2009 03:05 am
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timmy
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Paddy:

Thanks for your comments. My initial idea WAS to have them in front of a waiting elevator (doors opening and closing, bell dinging, lights flashing, etc).

Thought that might hinder a ten minute festival which always requires a "minimum set"...but I can see why you said what you did.

Food for thought. Thanks.

timmy

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