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45 second play  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Sun Feb 22nd, 2009 04:52 am
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Proboscisbunny
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Mana: 
Here's my crack at it...

Dude, Where’s My Date?


By


Vanessa David ©2009


 

 

GUY and GIRL, in separate areas of the crowd, pick up their cell phones and dial.

 

GUY – (Into phone) Dude.  I’m gonna kick your fuckin’ ass!

 

GIRL – (Into phone) Oh my god, this guy’s a moron.

 

GUY – She took me to a play!

 

GIRL  - We’re walking there now. (Pause) Yes, I used my special powers to lose him in the crowd.

 

GUY – Dude, I didn’t even fuckin’ get it!

 

GIRL – Dinner was fine. I stuffed my face and didn’t speak.

 

GUY – I was listening to my ipod.

 

GIRL – You got it!

 

GUY – Dude, where you at? I’m gonna ditch.

 

GIRL – It was really good, I liked it. We’ll have to come together next week ‘cause it’s right up your alley.

 

GUY – She already took me to a play and a Vegan restaurant. Next she’ll be givin’ me one a them colonics! (He busts out laughing) Nasty shit.

 

GIRL – Listen, I gotta go.

 

GUY – Bitch ate so much tofu, she been fartin’ all night!

 

GIRL – I’ve gotta go catch up to him. I’m not done yet. (She laughs) Later, Baby!

 

GUY – Oh, shit, here she comes. I gotta go!.

 

GUY runs off, GIRL runs after him with appropriate whoopee cushion noises coming from her person.

 

END OF PLAY


 

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 Posted: Sat Mar 14th, 2009 11:55 pm
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HolyCityTheatre
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Mana: 
I really like the premise of two people on a blind date that are mutually appauled by each other...but I'm nervous about your use of cell phones. By having both of your characters on the phone with other people it limits the interaction they can have with each other...which I am really curious to see. Or maybe you could have a split stage where each of your characters has a post-date conversation with whoever set them up...and then we can see them interact with people on stage, even if they aren't interacting with each other. But what you have is very funny.

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 Posted: Sun Mar 15th, 2009 12:57 am
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Paddy
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Mana: 
This is fun....a couple too many dude's...doesn't feel quite right.

Paddy

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 Posted: Sun Mar 15th, 2009 02:54 am
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Proboscisbunny
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Mana: 
Holy City - Thanks...it was actually written to help walk a crowd of people from the theatre to another venue. It's more of a "happening" than a play, IMO.

Thanks Paddy, the "dudes" don't bother me. But you're right, there's something not quite right about this guy, indeed :)

Vanessa

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 Posted: Fri Apr 10th, 2009 05:14 am
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leon
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Mana: 
could be even funnier if they were both speaking about the same event with different points of view that clashed and pointed out differences in perspective.  like if she said something like...

his face kept shriveling up like an old lady.  i don't know why.

 

and then he says,

she kept cutting the mustard every two minutes.  it was like freakin fourth of july!

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 Posted: Fri Apr 10th, 2009 01:45 pm
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Proboscisbunny
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Mana: 
Love it, Leon. But isn't it cut the cheese? Maybe it's the play that didn't cut the mustard ;)

V

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 Posted: Fri Apr 10th, 2009 03:31 pm
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leon
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Mana: 
i know, but cutting the cheese is so old hat.  what about cutting the provolone?  or the parmesan?  (a little stinkier)  gives the audience a moment's pause, then they get it.   kind of like you're creating your own expressions.  once wrote a screenplay where the teenagers used all expressions i made up.  like the cheerleaders instead of saying Wow, or awesome said stuff like bubble!  or "trip me out!"

guess i thought they'd get made one day and my inventions would make their way into our vernacular. 

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 Posted: Sat Apr 11th, 2009 04:57 pm
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littlewing
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Mana: 
Hi,

I am new here and don't know much about writing plays but I think you have something good here. I think the dialogue is fresh and believable and the play is funny. I like "I used my special powers to lose him in the crowd". :)

Best,
Emily

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 Posted: Sat Apr 11th, 2009 08:43 pm
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Proboscisbunny
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Mana: 
Thank you, Emily. Welcome :)

Vanessa

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