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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > The Playwrights' Gym - Feedback > The Kennedys of Dublin, California (first play)

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The Kennedys of Dublin, California (first play)  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Sat Apr 11th, 2009 04:48 pm
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littlewing
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The Kennedys of Dublin, California
 
Setting: A dinner table.
 
Grandmother Vivian: You have such beautiful, blue eyes Phoebe.
 
Phoebe: Thank you, Grandmother.
 
Grandma Vivian: But your children won’t have blue eyes. What you need to do is marry someone like Paul Newman. Then your children will all have beautiful blue eyes, like Waterford crystal.
 
Phoebe: What if I don’t want children?
 
Grandma Vivian: Oh, I don’t blame you. Children are nice—(casts eye at Caroline)—until they grow up.
 
Caroline: Have you taken your insulin yet today, mom?
 
Grandma Vivian: I most certainly did. Why I did it in my car and the funny thing is a couple of Mexicans were passing by and thought I was shooting heroin!
 
(laughter)
 
Caroline: Oh I wonder where Wes is. He better not have gone to the bar.
 
Grandma Vivian: Well I don’t know about you two but I could use a scotch on the rocks.
 
Caroline (rolls eyes) Yes, that’s all we need is for you to get drunk mom. We already have one drunk too many in this house. What do you have in your pockets? Those better not be candy bars!
 
Grandma Vivian: Nothing.
 
Caroline (look of suspicion, turns to Phoebe) Honey, don’t slump in your chair!
 
Phoebe: I’m not!
 
Caroline: Yes, you are. Are you depressed?
 
Phoebe: No, I’m not depressed! Can we just eat already!
 
Caroline: Alright. Everyone bow your heads for grace. I guess your brother is going to be late again.
 
Caroline: Dear father in heaven, thank you for bringing us all together and thank you for this food, may it nourish our bodies the way your word nourishes our souls. Amen.
 
--Wes wanders into room.
 
Caroline: Where have you been?
 
Wes: I’ve been talking to this guy—
 
Caroline: No you havn’t, you’ve been to the bar! I can smell it all over you!
 
Wes: Ma, I’ve been talking to a Marine recruiter—
 
Caroline: A Marine recruiter?
 
Wes: Yeah, I’m gonna join the Marines!
 
Caroline: Oh yeah, like the Marines are you gonna take you, drunk as you are!
 
Grandma Vivian: My first husband was a Navy Seal. And he was  a drunk, too. But he didn’t let that stop him. You must remember that there are two kinds of drunks, dear. There are happy drunks and mean drunks. Wes is a happy drunk.
 
Wes: I was until I came home.
 
Caroline: I think this Marines idea is ridiculous. Afghanistan has never been conquered. You have to learn to choose your battles, boy. Don’t choose one you can’t win.
 
Wes: You say that about everything. You’d be happy if I were a complete recluse like Phoebe, sitting at home playing old phonographs and watching birds. Well I’m not gonna! You—
 
Caroline: How dare you talk about your sister like that!
 
Phoebe: He’s right, mom. I think you should let him go.
 
Caroline: He’s a drunk like his father. The Marines aren’t gonna change that. But I’ll shut my mouth since you all are turning against me. I know, I’m always the one to blame—that is until you want something—with all I’ve done for everybody—
 
Phoebe: Stop!
 
Grandma Vivian: And I thought the martyrdom ended after Nero.
 
 
 

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 Posted: Sun Jun 7th, 2009 03:30 pm
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Paddy
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littlewing.

There are some very interesting things here...perhaps too many for two pages.

Out of what you have spilled to the pages here, you have a full length play.  My suggestion is you start fleshing out the characters as this is obviously a lovley disfunctional family - character driven.

As it stands, it's a wonderful issue filled dining room, but in two pages, you've basically handed us all the information.  We didn't have to work to find anything out, and thus, there is no layering or subtext. 

So again, some really great stuff here....now start stretching into a longer piece.

Excellent first stab!

Paddy

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