Howdy, I just got through your post and Kato's reply. As a novice myself, I'd first like to welcome you to the board. You happened upon a very helpful and generous site where amateurs like yourself and me have a place to receive feedback from some very successful, produced playwrights. That said, I enjoyed your piece and would love to read more. I'm curious whose paradigm wins out in the end. You seem to have set up the age old nature vs. nurture conflict here. There's Adam, who like the waitress from earlier in his day is burned out on his job and life. He sees but doesn't feel. Everyone is a stranger to him. You seem to give Cecilia the upperhand. Is she going to win the day or does this tug of war continue? Your writing is strong, ex. "cecilia: Time is not all we have. If it were, it would not be worth having at all." I would just warn not put the cart in front of the horse and write your play with a certain final moral in mind. The dialogue can become overtly preachy and
jumpy, from one thing to the next, so that scenes may not have dramatic relevance but occur solely to get prove your (or character's) point.
I think that happens here a bit. Lots of sermonizing going on, but keep on keeping on and post updates and revisions! Best of luck.
Last edited on Thu Aug 27th, 2009 01:38 am by Steamboat Chambers