The Playwrights Forum Home 
  SEARCH STAGEPLAYS.COM
  STAGEPLAYS BOOKSHOP THEATRE-CONNECT PUBLISH MY PLAY AFFILIATE PROGRAM THEATRE BANNER EXCHANGE  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > The Playwrights' Gym - Feedback > Suet (one page play)

* STAGEPLAYS WANTS TO PUBLISH YOUR PLAY *
click for details

 Moderated by: Paddy, Edd
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
Suet (one page play)  Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Wed Aug 16th, 2006 04:36 pm
  PM Quote Reply
1st Post
Jeff Gregg
Member
 

Joined: Wed Aug 16th, 2006
Location: Deep In The Iron Range, Minnesota USA
Posts: 5
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 

     Suet       



by



Jeff Gregg


(Lights up on EDITH and JACK drinking coffee. They watch out the window from time
to time.)

EDITH
Aren’t they beautiful?

JACK
I have never seen so many at one time.

EDITH
I get them all now; Brown Creepers, Nuthatches, Pileated, Hairy, Downy, Three-Toed, Red-bellied, Red-cockaded, Red-headed--

JACK
--But never like this. With them widening the road and subletting all the damn farmland into urban sprawl it should be going the other way.

EDITH
It’s the suet.

JACK
The suet?  

EDITH
Yes, the suet. The suet you refuse to help me with. The suet that takes all summer to make.

JACK
I thought you enjoyed making suet. 

EDITH
That’s all you have been doing for years. Thinking about what you think I enjoy.

JACK
It’s just suet.

EDITH
Not your normal everyday suet.
 
 (JACK begins to cough and gag.

Most people don’t realize that in the wintertime the birds prefer the fat and the protein.

(JACK dies in the violent throes of poison.)

Oh, I hope my grinder blades are sharp.

 Blackout. End of play.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Thu Aug 17th, 2006 12:57 pm
  PM Quote Reply
2nd Post
mac
Member


Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Lost City Of Atlantis
Posts: 102
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
jeff, my initial thought was ... EEW! sorry.

honestly, i saw where this was going with the first mention of suet. but maybe that's because i know how it's made. i do wonder how this would play with those who don't already know.

for what it's worth.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Thu Aug 17th, 2006 01:09 pm
  PM Quote Reply
3rd Post
Paddy
Moderator


Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Kitchener, Ontario Canada
Posts: 2053
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Sweet.

I don't know how suet is made, and I'd prefer not to...as I use it in minced meat.  I think, rather than the last line, that feels a bit drum riffy to me, she could just start sharpening her knives.

Nice icky piece.

Paddy

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Thu Aug 17th, 2006 01:45 pm
  PM Quote Reply
4th Post
mac
Member


Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Lost City Of Atlantis
Posts: 102
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
paddy, dear, you should know better than to say you'd 'rather not know' how suet it made. weirdos like me take that as a challenge ... i'm trying so very hard now to restrain myself...

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Thu Aug 17th, 2006 01:57 pm
  PM Quote Reply
5th Post
Edd
Moderator


Joined: Sat Jun 10th, 2006
Location: Denver, Colorado USA
Posts: 1610
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
hint: suet isn't made.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Thu Aug 17th, 2006 02:06 pm
  PM Quote Reply
6th Post
Paddy
Moderator


Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Kitchener, Ontario Canada
Posts: 2053
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Okay...I'm not that simple.  I know it's fat...but I'm not sure how they make it a powder.

 

Paddy

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Thu Aug 17th, 2006 02:13 pm
  PM Quote Reply
7th Post
Edd
Moderator


Joined: Sat Jun 10th, 2006
Location: Denver, Colorado USA
Posts: 1610
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
I don't think they make it into a powder.  They put chunks out for the birds, sometimes mixed with peanut butter.  Some wrap it around a roast to keep it from drying out.  My grandmother used it as an ingredient for her fabulous English mince meat pie.  Boy, do I miss that!

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Thu Aug 17th, 2006 02:36 pm
  PM Quote Reply
8th Post
Jeff Gregg
Member
 

Joined: Wed Aug 16th, 2006
Location: Deep In The Iron Range, Minnesota USA
Posts: 5
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Thanks for your replies! It's great to have extra eyes. :)

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Fri Aug 18th, 2006 12:03 pm
  PM Quote Reply
9th Post
Edd
Moderator


Joined: Sat Jun 10th, 2006
Location: Denver, Colorado USA
Posts: 1610
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Jeff,

After all the talk about suet, let me relate only to your play.

I believe you didn't allow time to develop your characters.  What was their relationship to the other?  What was Edith's motivation for killing Jack?  You should show us an example, let them play it out.  You could expand upon it.  Again my major criticism is the lack of character development.  The story is just fine with me.   To paraphrase mac, don't telegraph where it is going.  Once the audience knows, it's over.  Tease you audience and pull them into the mystery.  You can do this.  Please think about this and what everybody has said and give us a rewritten version.  That is afterall what a critique is geared toward.  Relax into your play and take as long as you need.  If you must have a one-pager, then go back and carefully edit any extraneous dialogue, which is something every playwright must always do anyway.

I really want to see this play developed.  You have an excitement that shines through.  Don't just leave it and move on to another.  That will not help you grow as a playwright.

Also, change how she talks about suet to something like "special suet recipe" and/or "the secret is what I mix in with the suet" which is, in fact, the truth.  Maybe it is humans, the postman or a door to door salesman and now it is Jack she will mix in with the suet that birds find so attractive.

I'm looking forward to your next draft.  We all are.  Thank you for sharing this with us. 

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Thu Sep 28th, 2017 04:36 pm
  PM Quote Reply
10th Post
Edd
Moderator


Joined: Sat Jun 10th, 2006
Location: Denver, Colorado USA
Posts: 1610
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Oh, boy! I can't wait for the holidays. Mince meat pie is number one for this TOQ's pie hole.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

Current time is 01:24 pm  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > The Playwrights' Gym - Feedback > Suet (one page play) Top




UltraBB 1.17 Copyright © 2007-2011 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1560 seconds (12% database + 88% PHP). 26 queries executed.