The Playwrights Forum Home 
 

SEARCH STAGEPLAYS.COM
THE WORLD'S LARGEST PLAY DATABASE

  STAGEPLAYS BOOKSHOP NEW CYBERPRESS PLAYS PLAYWRIGHTING BOOKS PUBLISH MY PLAY AFFILIATE PROGRAM THE THEATRE BANNER EXCHANGE  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > The Playwrights' Gym - Feedback > Alternate Emotions

* STAGEPLAYS WANTS TO PUBLISH YOUR PLAY *
click here for details

 Moderated by: Paddy, Edd
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
Alternate Emotions  Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Sun Dec 31st, 2006 02:19 pm
  PM Quote Reply
1st Post
BrianRobertNeal
Member


Joined: Sat Sep 23rd, 2006
Location: Bishop's Stortford, United Kingdom
Posts: 84
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
SORRY ABOUT THE POSTING-I'VE GIVEN UP TRYING TO CORRECT IT OR I SHALL BE OVER TIME.

 



Senior Policeman.

So, madam, despite the fact that you and your husband were always waring and you had made threats on his life and as a consequence of his death the Insurance Money will make you a wealthy woman, you want me to believe that his death was acidental?

 

Widow

Yes.

 

Senior Policeman.

But he was suffocated in the marital bed.


Widow's Lawyer

That is yet to be coroborated by the Pathologist's evidence. Can you tell me what evidence you have to support your assertion that the relationship was violent.

 
Senior Policeman.





We have several witnesses who state that they often heard the woman shrieking, screaming and shouting that she, one day would get what was her just desserts, even if she might kill him in the attempt.





Widow's Lawyer

I would have to say the noises that my client will admit she made; though
evidence of a physical assault,  it would have been one  that was likely to have resulted in serious bodily good.




Now; Come on my dear, out with it, you're not doing yourself any good by prevaricating. I know you're shy.

 

Widow

My husband could never saisfy me, so I suggested that we did something unusual He suggested "Cunning Linguists". I told him I was in no mood for Word Games. Then he
explained what it meant.




So we gave it a try. I got carried away and it was only when I got off, that I realised he was dead. You see Riga Mortis had set in. It had been a long session.




2nd Policeman.

Excuse me sir for bursting into the Interview Room but I've got the pathologist's report. The findings are on Page 8 just above the Footnotes.


Senior Policeman.


Right thank you Sergeant, if you two will excuse me, I'll just peruse this document.

OK madam you can go. The cause of death was not from suffocation.

Your late husband choked on an Auburn fur ball. So it was natural causes



Widow's Lawyer

But my client's a natural blonde.

Senior Policeman

Oh well, OK, Death by Misadventure then. 

 

Last edited on Sun Dec 31st, 2006 02:29 pm by BrianRobertNeal

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Sun Dec 31st, 2006 04:20 pm
  PM Quote Reply
2nd Post
Edd
Moderator


Joined: Sat Jun 10th, 2006
Location: Denver, Colorado USA
Posts: 1622
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Death by Misadventure.  What a line!  Thank you for the title of a future ECW play.

You thought this might be lewd?  I got all stripped and ready, but found nothing lewd.  Way too tame.  Try writing a play based on De Sade's A Hundred Days of Sodom.  That would be something to strip for!

You're a hoot!  Glad you're in our forum.

What did you write today?

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Sun Dec 31st, 2006 04:26 pm
  PM Quote Reply
3rd Post
Paddy
Moderator


Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Kitchener, Ontario Canada
Posts: 2361
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Firstly...Edd...just make sure he hadn't already intended that as a title...just in case?

 

Brian. 

Lewd?  Nah.  But very funny.  I like the set up, but don't love it.  I'm thinking how much more in the moment it would be if someone came to her aid, thinking her screaming was her life been threatened...and then, the discovery he's dead.  Just feels a bit laid back, when it could be a little more vital.

"I told him I was in no mood for Word Games"

That was soooooooooooo funny.

Nicely done.

Paddy

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Sun Dec 31st, 2006 04:28 pm
  PM Quote Reply
4th Post
Edd
Moderator


Joined: Sat Jun 10th, 2006
Location: Denver, Colorado USA
Posts: 1622
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
You can't copyright a title.  It's mine I tell you, it's mine!  :)  Also it was laid back . . . at least he was, but then he'd almost have to be.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Sun Dec 31st, 2006 04:38 pm
  PM Quote Reply
5th Post
ohdear
Member


Joined: Tue Dec 5th, 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 113
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Funny piece, worth developing.

Great idea...

Love the word game thing too. Clever

I was thinking it may have been the asfixiation game.... I guess it was somehow. *grin* A long session indeed. Funny, very funny.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Sun Dec 31st, 2006 06:26 pm
  PM Quote Reply
6th Post
BrianRobertNeal
Member


Joined: Sat Sep 23rd, 2006
Location: Bishop's Stortford, United Kingdom
Posts: 84
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Preamble.

Do you remember at the end of Ghost Busters, one of the GBs shouts "I just love this town" and then the fantastic "Ghostbusters" song bursts into life.

Just imagine that I've just read the reviews, now I'm jumping up, punching the air and shouting "I just love this Forum"

Thanks to all of you'

Brian

Re-tameness.

On one of the general websites I post on, I wrote a tale called Big Sheila. To establish the vileness of one of the characters I had him say:

Look at the size of her arse, you'd have to cover her in talcum powder and shag the damp bits."

The Mods moved in and  added to the Title-"Adult and swearing" (The kiss of death.) I did a minor rewrite and changed the title. (I suppose Big Sheila did sound a bit like a Phone Booth "Business Card".)


"Death by misadventure"- One of the formal decisions allowed to a British Coroners' Court. (Others include, Murder, Manslaughter, I dont know any more.)

Last edited on Sun Dec 31st, 2006 07:53 pm by BrianRobertNeal

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Mon Jan 1st, 2007 06:28 pm
  PM Quote Reply
7th Post
BrianRobertNeal
Member


Joined: Sat Sep 23rd, 2006
Location: Bishop's Stortford, United Kingdom
Posts: 84
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Footnote on primness

On  the website I was mentioning I had posted a spoof which included the line

as pissed as pissed could be

The Mod changed it to

as {edited} as {edited} could be.

And I was given a rebuke! 

 

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Mon Jan 1st, 2007 06:32 pm
  PM Quote Reply
8th Post
Paddy
Moderator


Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Kitchener, Ontario Canada
Posts: 2361
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
How very sad.

Paddy

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Mon Jan 1st, 2007 06:41 pm
  PM Quote Reply
9th Post
Edd
Moderator


Joined: Sat Jun 10th, 2006
Location: Denver, Colorado USA
Posts: 1622
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Indeed.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Mon Jan 1st, 2007 09:04 pm
  PM Quote Reply
10th Post
muncy
Member


Joined: Sun Dec 31st, 2006
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 331
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Reminds me of this time last year when I was starting rehearsals for Educating Rita. I posted a question on an Amdram website about what the author, Willy Russell, might have meant by a particular line. When I checked my post it said

Educating Rita by -disallowed word- Russell

I laughed my socks off. I thought I was dealing with grown ups!

(By the way, in Britain 'willy' is a childish slang name for the penis)

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Tue Jan 2nd, 2007 02:42 am
  PM Quote Reply
11th Post
scenedreamer
Member
 

Joined: Thu Aug 3rd, 2006
Location:  
Posts: 166
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Not to interrupt a great discussion, but not knowing what else to do, I took the challenge.  Probably 20 min. work time, but with phone calls, football, etc. it took about an hour.

It evolved from months of listening to a couple of friends whine about their breakup.

 

                                                  BREAKUP

 

                        JANE: Late thirties. 

                        BRANDY: Twenties. Stressed and defensive.

                        DON: Twenties. Stressed and defensive.

                                       JANE is seated at a table in a restaurant. BRANDY rushes in, sits down, and begins to cry.

 

 

JANE: What's the matter? You look awful.

BRANDY: (Between sobs)  I am awful. I'm terrible. I'm disgusting.  Miserable. I hate myself. (Takes a cigarette from her purse and starts to light it)

JANE: I thought you were quitting.

BRANDY: (still crying hysterically) I was.

JANE: Well, you can't smoke here.

BRANDY: (Stops sobbing and begins to rage) Damned restaurant. Damn, damn, damn! If I'm going to die, I need a cigarette!

JANE: There's a no smoking law. What do you mean, you're going to die?

BRANDY: I can't go on. I can't! Damn it, I can't.

JANE: It's you and Don again isn't it.

BRANDY: This time he's gone for good. I hate it.  I hate him!  I hate him!

JANE:  Why do you hate him?

BRANDY:  For leaving.  I can't stand it.

JANE: You'll stand it just like you did the last time and the time before that and…

BRANDY: But this time it's forever.

JANE: Last time it was forever too. What happened?

BRANDY: We had a huge argument.

JANE: You're always arguing. Why did he leave?

BRANDY: (starts sobbing uncontrollably again) Because...  Because I kicked him out.

JANE: Why did you kick him out?

BRANDY: (Sobbing) To… To keep him from LEAVING. (Sobs uncontrollably) I… I'm going to the restroom.  I… I look awful! (Leaves)

                         DON enters frantically looking around. Seems upset

JANE: Don! What are you doing here?

DON: I came to get drunk.

JANE:  Being a drunk can't be a very good life.

DON:  I'm sick of living. (Sits down)

JANE: What happened?

DON: (Very upset) It's Brandy… We had a huge argument.

JANE: You guys are always arguing.

DON: (More upset) But this time… This time I left. 

JANE: Why did you leave?

DON: Hell, I had to.

JANE: But why?

DON: To keep her from kicking me OUT!

(Brandy has re-entered and overhears. They see each other and come together leaving Jane alone at the table)

JANE: Oh.  Of course.  That makes perfect sense.

 

 

 

 

Last edited on Tue Jan 2nd, 2007 02:48 am by scenedreamer

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Tue Jan 2nd, 2007 09:57 am
  PM Quote Reply
12th Post
BrianRobertNeal
Member


Joined: Sat Sep 23rd, 2006
Location: Bishop's Stortford, United Kingdom
Posts: 84
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
"That makes perfect sense"

It certainly does,

Happy New Year,

Brian.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Tue Jan 2nd, 2007 01:24 pm
  PM Quote Reply
13th Post
Poet
Member
 

Joined: Sun Aug 20th, 2006
Location: Gloucester, United Kingdom
Posts: 183
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
BRN and Scenedreamer

Loved them - short, pithy and funny both. BRN - yours actually made me laugh out loud (bad in an old-fashioned office that doesn't like us wandering off onto 'that interweb thing' in office hours) and Scenedreamer, that's a nicely observed comment on the ridiculous games we all play in relationships!

But as an amdram actor luvvie, I'm always looking for something in the voices to give me an angle on age, social class, income, education etc etc etc and - dare I say it - I didn't get that in either piece. Could easily be written in, though.

Edd - if you Google, you'll see that your intended play could very well be entered for a BAFTA or an OSCAR or almost any other creative award as being in The Top 100 Fictional Works With The Title 'Death By Misadventure'!

Mind you - I'm sure there's leeway in a porn series about Miss Adventure...

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Tue Jan 2nd, 2007 02:31 pm
  PM Quote Reply
14th Post
BrianRobertNeal
Member


Joined: Sat Sep 23rd, 2006
Location: Bishop's Stortford, United Kingdom
Posts: 84
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Hi Poet,

           Thanks for your time and comments.

"BRN - yours actually made me laugh out loud (bad in an old-fashioned office that doesn't like us wandering off onto 'that interweb thing' in office hours)"

I have to confess I still laugh at "Word Games" and one or two other bits.

"But as an amdram actor luvvie, I'm always looking for something in the voices to give me an angle on age, social class, income, education etc etc etc and - dare I say it - I didn't get that in either piece. Could easily be written in, though."


I am an ex-amdram actor luvvie. Where possible I try to give the actor room to add their element to their character as long as it is consistent with the play and the Play's ambience. They can often add dimensions that are not in the writing.

Also this is a very "Trans-Oceanic" Web-site so I try to avoid creating an overly "English feel".

Happy New Year,

Brian

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

Current time is 01:40 am  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > The Playwrights' Gym - Feedback > Alternate Emotions Top




UltraBB 1.17 Copyright © 2007-2011 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1921 seconds (25% database + 75% PHP). 26 queries executed.