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 Posted: Tue Jun 5th, 2007 09:31 pm
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Swann1719
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Mana: 
all comments gratefully received

 

Dear Agent:

 

Cowriter and I have written an original sitcom called Empire Blue, based on our experiences working together at a comically mismanaged dotcom start-up.  We have written the pilot and plotted an eight episode season.  We are looking for an agent to work with us to find a producer. 

 

Plenty of clueless internet pioneers driven by greed started internet companies at the turn of the century.  The vast majority went bankrupt.   In Empire Blue, three women – the protagonists—are determined that Empire Communications will beat these odds.   Their methodology is unorthodox.  Their personalities clash severely.  But their quest, in true comic fashion, is successful.   

 

This is our first sitcom but I have six play productions and two playwright awards on my theatrical c.v., and Cowriter is an experienced writer. 

 

As instructed on your website, enclosed please find a synopsis for the first episode and our résumés.  If you are interested in taking a look at the pilot script or other material, please phone or email me. I will mail it for your review. We are happy to sign a release form if you need that. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best regards,

 

Swann  

 

 

 



Empire Blue

© 2007 Cowriter and Swann 

Overview:

Empire Blue is the story of the unlikely success of a London-based wireless internet start-up company. Empire’s management are incompetent toffs, its venture capitalist is an angry Russian, its salesman is a lazy Essex geezer.  It has a mountain of debt, ongoing battles with government bureaucracy, and the distinct lack of a competent receptionist.

Empire has three sparkling assets:  Dilys, the finance director, Chloe, the marketing assistant and Katie, the general counsel.  The three very different women are the company’s heart and soul.  Star-gazing Chloe believes in karma and free love (she is based on the sensual Venus), Katie follows her own rule of “strike first – ask later” (she is angry Shiva), and Dilys proves herself the ultimate sensible British woman (she is wise Athena).

 

Sometimes working together and sometimes not, Chloe, Dilys and Katie circumvent bad management, placate venture capitalists, smack down grasping salesmen, bitch-slap bureaucracy, fend off creditors, and sell Empire to a big pan-European internet provider.  They never find a competent receptionist.

 

The eight-episode season begins with Dilys’s first day and ends when she is named Managing Director of the London office.  

 

 

Main Characters:   

 

Dilys, a divorced Welsh accountant

Katie, a bipolar American lawyer

Chloe, a hippie Aussie marketing assistant

Rob, an unflappable English project manager

Tony, Essex geezer Sales manager

Bjorn, Christian German IT junior

Flick, Schizophrenic Kiwi accounts junior

Nigel, charming Etonian CFO

Will, less charming barrister CEO

 

EMPIRE BLUE

© 2007 Cowriter and Swann

PILOT

LOGLINE EPISODE ONE: Three women working at a dotcom start-up use unorthodox means to   prevent their investor from pulling funding. 

 

SYNOPSIS EPISODE ONE:  Chloe mistakenly reveals to Ivan, the Russian venture capitalist funding Empire Communications, that the companys upper management are scamming him big time.  Ivan vows to pull funding at tomorrows surprise meeting unless the company gets up to speed on its targets.  Upper management, Nigel and Will, politely delegate the impossible mission to their team.  Dilys roles up her sleeves and drafts income projections even though its her first day at the company and first job in years.  Chloe joins a radical green organisation (the Green Army) in order to get free overnight renovations – but she must agree to carbon-minimising improvements.  Katie hates the new carbon neutral environment and orders the Green Army out.  They show their true paramilitary colours by occupying the office instead.   Luckily, Ivan is vastly impressed by the Green Army’s show of force.  He is, after all, Russian.  He agrees to continue funding. 

58pp. (in Final Draft BBC Sitcom format)

 

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 Posted: Tue Jun 5th, 2007 11:47 pm
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leon
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Mana: 
i'll go back and read the entire thing, but i don't think you should say they're successful.  it's the struggle that's funny. 

 

also, you need to explain this line a bit...  Their methodology is unorthodox.  How?  I think a lot of your humor (or do you spell it humour?) comes out of this line.

 

what happened to the font?  i'm shrinking!!

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 Posted: Tue Jun 5th, 2007 11:52 pm
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leon
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Mana: 
if chloe is one of the "golden three", she shouldn't be the one that "mistakenly" reveals anything.  he should find out about it and approach her.  and she can't keep a straight face or something, so his suspicions are confirmed.

 

very smart stuff this.  are you sure it's for the telly? 

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 Posted: Wed Jun 6th, 2007 08:47 am
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Swann1719
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Mana: 
Thanks!!  Good point re Chloe.   Pixies inside my computer mess up the font. 

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 Posted: Wed Sep 29th, 2010 03:39 pm
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vegetablevn
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Mana: 
Swann1719 wrote: Thanks!!  Good point re Chloe.   Pixies inside my computer mess up the font.
Hi,
 
Thanks very much for this comment. It help me to think about my ideals.
 
 
Tks again and pls keep posting.

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 Posted: Wed Sep 29th, 2010 04:14 pm
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Swann1719
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Mana: 
Wow, that comment was inscrutable to me, oh vegetable. 

Since this ancient 2007 offering  (which not an agent or production company liked), cowriter and I reworked it and sent it out again, much better than before, really good.  We got not even a nibble, not a thing, nothing, nada, zip and I know that rejection is supposed to get easier but to me it gets harder and harder and that is the reason I decided I wasn't going to do it to myself any more and I haven't written anything in a long stretch.  For people like me - people with internal neural pathway wiring issues - the rejection doesn't make me more determined, it makes me sad.  A shrink once told me that the world has sharper corners for me than for anyone else.  I don't know if that is true but I do know that rejection makes me really sad and spirals into all these issues I just don't need.

 

And then I regret spending the time writing that I could have been playing with my kids.  BUT this new not writing thing hasn't really worked for me either

Who knows what will happen.. ...  Who indeed?.

Last edited on Wed Sep 29th, 2010 04:14 pm by Swann1719

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