Hi there, this is the first draft of a half hour screen play. I would be grateful for any advice/constructive criticism. Please tell me what you think.
WAITING FOR GORDON
BY
SEAN PHOENIX
(Based on Waiting For Godot by Samuel Beckett)
SETTING: WREXHAM, A WELSH BORDER TOWN, UK - 2008.
EXT.
Eddy, a tramp, sits on a park bench on the library field. It is winter time - bleak and lifeless. Their is a bare tree behind the park bench.
The opening shot shows the structure of the library which is made of concrete in a pseudo modernist eighties style.
After coming out of the off licence, Vernon is seen crossing the road with two bottles of white cider.
The camera follows him across the road. We get closer to the action as he hands one of the bottles to Eddy.
VERNON
Here are Edd. Take your time. There’s no more where that came from.
EDDY
(Tired and Grumpy)
I wouldn’t bet on it.
Vernon gives Eddy a dirty look.
VERNON
Just drink it will ya.
EDDY
Not like that I won’t.
VERNON
What?
EDDY
You heard.
VERNON
Fine. Give it here then.
Vernon reaches for the bottle.
EDDY
No, no. I’ll keep it for later. It’ll keep. There’s no rush. It’s not going anywhere.
VERNON
You do that.
EDDY
I will.
VERNON
Fine ...
Vernon takes the top of his bottle and takes a large, satisfying, sip.
...bloody lovely that.
EDDY
For real?
VERNON
No, it’s bloody awful. Better than nowt though.
EDDY
I’m not sure about that. There’s a lot to be said for nowt you know. If you’ve never ‘ad nowt, you never miss owt. That’s what me old man used to say.
VERNON
(Sarcastically)
High achiever your Dad; was he?
EDDY
Aye. He was, yeah. President of Rhos Bridge club. 18 years he was there la.
VERNON
(Sarcastically)
Fair do’s.
EDDY
Oh, I see you’re in a good mood again.
VERNON
I was! I was in a great mood until you woke up, banging on a bloody Rhos and bridge and God knows what not.
EDDY
Ok. You talk about something then.
VERNON
What? I’ve got nowt to tell ya. I told ya everything I know yesterday...Drink your cider for Christsake.
EDDY
I don’t have to listen to this ya know. I could just as easily leave.
VERNON
You can’t.
EDDY
What?
VERNON
And you wouldn’t.
EDDY
I would.
VERNON
You’ve tried it before.
EDDY
Exactly!
VERNON
Yeah, but ya never got far did ya? Ya can barely take a piss on your own.
I’ll always be here to hold your hand.
EDDY
Eh, that was one time. You said you’d never mention that.
They both sit in silence. The only sound we can hear is the sound of the traffic on the road. Eddy takes a sip of his cider and heaves
EDDY
Is there anything to eat.
VERNON
I don’t know. Let me see.
Vernon searches his pockets. He pulls out a half devoured pack of crumpled Wotsits.
VERNON
There’s Wotsits.
EDDY
I don’t like Wotsits.
VERNON
Well that’s all there is.
EDDY
Is there no fudge?
VERNON
No! There’s Wotsits or nothing.
EDDY
Give em here then.
Eddy eats the Wotsits before taking a sip of his cider.
EDDY
Oh, Christ. That’s rank. Twice as bad as yesterday.
VERNON
It’s exactly the same stuff.
EDDY
Not exactly.
VERNON
Well, no. I suppose not. Tastes the same though...
(Putting on a fake posh voice)
...Has the same desired effect; don’t it la? I reckon so anyway. Mind due, you never know. Life is full of surprises, supposedly. Then again, did you; or did you not, say the same thing yesterday?
EDDY
(Frustrated)
No idea. How should I know. Ya can’t expect me to remember every little thing I said yesterday. Or the day before for that matter. ...Well, what did you do yesterday.
VERNON
You mean you don’t remember?
EDDY
Well, a bit...I think. Couldn’t have been riveting.
VERNON
Unbelievable!
EDDY
What? Well...go on then: what did we do?
VERNON
We were supposed to be meeting Gordon...At this bench. Remember.
EDDY
Oh, yeah. We met Gordon.
VERNON
You remember?
EDDY
Yeah...we met Gordon. Who’s Gordon again?
VERNON
You Liar. You don’t remember a bloody thing.
EDDY
What did he say, this Gordon?
VERNON
You don’t remember?
EDDY
No. Ok? I don’t remember...satisfied?
VERNON
He never came. You remember! You must. We waited all day.
EDDY
(mockingly)
I can assure you that I don’t.
VERNON
We waited in this very spot. We drank cider - similar to this, but not the same as has been thoroughly established. But he never came.
EDDY
Then why are we here today?
VERNON
You really don’t remember? The boy in the hoody? No?
EDDY
No!
VERNON
On a bike? No?
EDDY
No!
VERNON
Well, he said he would come today. And so...so...so...we wait.
They wait. We hear nothing but the sound of the occasional bus going past. They both drink their cider.
Eddy attempts to get some sleep but Vernon won’t let him.
VERNON
Eddy! Eddy! Wake up! Wake up!
Eddy awakens startled.
EDDY
What?! What?! What is it? Is it your man?
VERNON
My man?
EDDY
Yeah, you know: what’s his face?
VERNON
Gordon?
EDDY
Yeah. Him.
VERNON
No.
EDDY
No? Then what did you wake me for?
VERNON
Don’t know...I was bored.
EDDY
Bored!
VERNON
Yeah. I had no-one to talk to. I don’t like having no-one to talk to.
EDDY
Oh, why can’t I sleep. I want to sleep. Why will you never let me sleep?
VERNON
I get bored.
EDDY
Well...so do I. I’m bored of this bench. I’m bored of this tree. I’m bored of you. I’m bored of me! (Pause) Oh, let’s go for a walk.
VERNON
We can’t
EDDY
Why not?
VERNON
We’re waiting for Gordon.
EDDY
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
(Pause) I tell you’s what? (Excited) I got a right peach of an idea la.
VERNON
(Excited)
What?
EDDY
What’s say we hangs ourselves.
Eddy runs over to the tree.
From this. I new this tree would come in use.
VERNON
Yes! Yes!
EDDY
Am I brilliant or what?
VERNON
But wait! Hang on...we can’t.
EDDY
Why not?
VERNON
We’re waiting for Gordon.
EDDY
Oh....But...if He doesn’t come?
VERNON
Yes! If he doesn’t come, we hang ourselves from this tree.
EDDY
Ok. It’s a deal...But, what shall we do now?
VERNON
We wait.
They wait. We can hear nothing but the occasional sound of a bus going past. Eddy tries to sleep but can’t.
Suddenly. A loud noise is heard in the distance. It is fairly inaudible although we can make out the noise of shouting and slapping.
Lucinda and Paul are seen coming up the street. Lucinda is fat and simple looking. Paul is dressed in golf clothes but is wearing a fox hunters hat.
Dressed in dirty sports gear, Lucinda is carrying a large golf caddy, a deck chair and tatty plastic Tesco bag.
The noise they are making attracts Vernon and Eddy’s attention. They both jump up startled and excitable.
EDDY
Is it him?
VERNON
I don’t know! It could be!
EDDY
We’re saved! We’re saved!
VERNON
Oh.....It could be...It could be! We are saved?
EDDY
Quick! Quick! Let’s run and meet him.
VERNON
(Excited though trying to be calm) No, No. He says we’re to wait. Play it cool. Play it cool trig.
EDDY
We’ve waited long enough!
Eddy starts to run down the road.
VERNON
Come back! Come back, you’ll make him angry.
Eddy turns sharply then runs back to Vernon obediently.
EDDY
I hope not. Do you think? Oh, no. Do you think I have...I hope not!
VERNON
Just sit down and wait like you were told!
Eddy sits on the bench nervously.
CUT TO:
EXT.
Lucinda and Paul struggling up the road. Lucinda is struggling the worst with the load she carries. Paul is continually hurling abuse at her. They come within earshot of Vernon and Eddy.
PAUL
You silly cow! Walk faster you moronic wench. Waste of space! Obnoxious bint!
Lucinda remains silent.
VERNON
Oh, we are sorry Mr Gordon Sir. I told him to wait. Please don’t be angry Sir.
PAUL
Angry? Me? (To Lucinda) Wait Cow! (To Vernon) Who’s Gordon? (To Eddy) Do you know a Gordon?
VERNON
Well, isn’t that you la... I mean, sir.
PAUL
It all depends. It depends a lot on who it is that might be asking wouldn’t you say?
VERNON
Are you Gordon Sir?
PAUL
What? My God you’re impatient. Patient is a virtue you know. Didn’t no-one ever tell you that?
VERNON
I’m sorry sir. We have been waiting a long time.
PAUL
For a Gordon?
VERNON
Yes sir.
PAUL
I see. (To Lucinda) Chair!
Lucinda hurries over. She places the chair out under Paul.
PAUL
Closer!
Lucinda pulls the chair closer.
PAUL
Food cow.
Lucinda brings over the tesco bag. She hands over a ready packed Tesco sandwich from inside as well as a can of coca cola.
Vernon watches Lucinda closely.
Eddy watches the sandwich.
VERNON
Why doesn’t she speak?
PAUL
That’s funny. Just a moment ago you were afraid - beleiving me to be a Gorton or Gormon or a Gordon or some other. And now? And now you ask questions!
Paul takes one bite of the sandwich and throws it to the floor.
Eddy scarpers across the floor to fetch it. Vernon stops him.
VERNON
Oh, charming. You didn’t think to ask?
EDDY
(To Paul) Oh, sorry. I’m sorry Mr Gordon Sir. Are you finished.
PAUL
Who is this Gordon?
EDDY
Is it not you Sir?
PAUL
Of course not - obsurd notion. Do I look like a Gordon.
VERNON
What does Gordon look like?
PAUL
How should I know. I would only be able to answer such a question if I in fact was he but I am most certainly not. I am Paul. This is Lucinda. She was once a fine specimen of a being. The most beautiful thing you ever saw. (He looks at her in disgust) Once! But now...now she is worthless. A wretch - A vagabond - A dose dole waller! You know. She even refuses to make tea. Not even a bed is laid these days. ...But she is sold, or soon will be. She is no longer my problem...oh, the wonders of the World Wide Web! Comforts come, comforts go I tell her and later today she will be in her new home. Let someone else put up with her moods! A good price too I may add. I am as shrewd as ever.
EDDY
Have you finished with the sandwich though Mr...Mr Paul Sir.
PAUL
The sandwich? ... Oh, that. That is not mine. Not anymore. It is hers.
EDDY
(To Lucinda) Excuse me.
Eddy pokes Lucinda. She is completely apathetic.
(To Paul) She does not speak.
PAUL
Nonsense! She speaks perfectly well when she wants to. Never shuts up! Can jabber with the rest of them. Take the sandwich! She will speak if she minds.
Eddy runs and picks up the sandwich. He devours it greedily.
PAUL
Would you like her to speak?
VERNON
What? Em, do you think she will? I suppose it may help pass the time.
PAUL
Or, maybe you would like to hear her think. She used to think very well.
EDDY
It might also pass the time. Yes! I think I would like her to think.
VERNON
Yeah, go on. Let her think. If you think she will. We have to keep an eye out though.
PAUL
Ok. That we shall do.
Paul goes to the golf bag and pulls out a baseball cap. He places it on Lucinda’s head, then stands back.
PAUL
Think, cow!
Lucinda remains silent.
Paul slaps her across the face.
PAUL
Wretched witch! Think!
Lucinda remains temporarily silent before starting with:
LUCINDA
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in constant sorrow feels no pain. A daily utterance if a pending stable door - before the horse has bolted - saves a stitch in time. Everybody knows that Elton John is chairman of Watford Football club but the simplicity lies in the fact that snails absorb salt at a rapid pace causing them to fly high, as high as the Eiffel tower if not further. Jilted John, Gordon Brown, Baileys Irish cream, Beckham, Beckett, Richard, Posh, Judy, Stem cell research. The only thing needed to expel a fright is Ice cream soda pop biscuits. General Pinochet is a handsome parrot of colourful proportions - green, sand, wind, air blue. BT Converse 300. Naked Lunch. Later...Brunch. A pea and chicken breakfast. Sony. Amstrad. Luke, Mark and John. It is very easy to obtain a sense of obligatory disappearance of the common kind. - A method of extreme sanitation and a brilliant white past washed onto the kitchen floor. Semolina Pilchard, dripping from a dead dogs eye. Tha..Tha..Tha.Tha..Tha..Chris Waddle. Psycho Killer Quest Que C’est. Run, run, run, rabbit run down the hole to the barrel of a bike. A basket, a bell that rings; you can ride it if you like. Smoking is a killer fairground attraction; a common surplus requirement of man, woman and child. ; a suspect designation of miraculous judgmental peppermint tea. Tippex only covers up a kittens mistakes. A bottle of Stell-Weiser keeps the Doctor at bay. A bottle of love at the end of the day. Sitting on the dock of Aberstywyth pier - eating Pastel Del Nata from a cows ear. Early morning sunshine at Harpur Mount Primary. Inaudible access to White Hart Lane. And then there’s always qwertyuiop, asdfghjkl, zxcvbnm. What a fellow! A brainbox of the most sincere order; usurped by pretension and arrogance. Brought to light in the cruel midst of chocolate Coco tea and great glass elevators. Pharmacists screaming for hours in the May. Oxford Rd circus on a warm winters day. But logs on fires; that would be an ecumenical matter. An instant measurement of murderous desire. On one hand, we must remember that we must always..., but never mind the buzzcocks. And, on another, we should react simply to the notion of cauliflower reactions; sexual deviants and perverts that they are. But burn baby, burn! Disco Inferno! It is not a question, bit I. I know 1, 2, 3, or 4. We should examine the evidence. There is no other like it. An imaginary cycle of paradoxical intentions, if you will; a strained soul of malicious incense.
VERNON
AAh, Shut up! Shut Up!
EDDY
(To paul) Shut her up! Please! Make her Quiet I beg.
PAUL
Quiet cow!
LUCINDA
But, then again, one must always be sure to remember the laws of pretension and aristocracy.
VERNON
Be quiet. Please!
LUCINDA
There is only one issue that must remain at the forefront of our brains.
PAUL
The cap! The cap! Quick! Take her cap.
Vernon grabs the cap off Lucinda’s head. She falls to the floor quiet and exhausted.
VERNON
Oh, peace at last.
PAUL
See what I mean? She used to think so well. But now...well now she is nothing short of intolerable. A complete bore.
EDDY
Telling me.
PAUL
And that...that my friend is why she must go. She is no use to me now.
VERNON
You’ve had your fun with her and now you just pass her onto someone else.
PAUL
And why not? Give me one good reason why I should keep her.
Eddy and Vernon think.
PAUL
You see! Now! UP COW!
Lucinda gets up instantly.
PAUL
We must be gone. Her suitor. Ha ha! Will be waiting.
Paul and Lucinda leave. Lucinda is in front whilst Paul follows constantly beating her from behind.
Eddy sits on the bench. Vernon wanders about. They both sip cider.
VERNON
Well that was a bit strange.
EDDY
Nowt stranger than folk.
VERNON
True. True.
EDDY
Shall we go?
VERNON
Go where?
EDDY
Anywhere. Away frome here somewhere.
VERNON
We can’t
EDDY
Oh no.
VERNON AND EDDY
We’re waiting for Gordon.
They wait.
CUT TO:
EXT.
Shot of the sky. In fast frame it changes from day into night.
CUT TO:
Eddy and Vernon still sat in the same place looking miserable. Nothing has changed except the amount of cider left in each of their bottles.
A boy wearing a hoody comes into shot riding a BMX bike. He is clearly stoned.
BOY
Alright La’s?
VERNON
(confused - Pissed and sleepy) Is it you?
BOY
Ya what?
VERNON
You. It was you yesterday? Was it?
BOY
Was I? Don’t know. Don’t remember. Yeah! Wicked! - Yesterday, man. Yeah, I was fucking bombed. Wicked day man!
VERNON
But you do remember coming here?
BOY
Oh man, I go a lot of places.
EDDY
Was he here yesterday?
Vernon shrugs his shoulders.
VERNON
Have you got a message for us?
BOY
What?
VERNON
From Gordon?
BOY
Oh yeah...from Gordon. Do you know Gordon?
VERNON
Not exactly.
BOY
Do you know Vernon?
VERNON
I’m Vernon.
BOY
Oh man, that’s wicked. I got a message for ya.
VERNON
You have?
BOY
You know Gordon...
VERNON
He’s not coming?
BOY
...He’s not coming. He can’t make it today but he’ll meet you here tomorrow.
VERNON
(Sarcastically) Wicked. ...Do you live with Gordon? Is he sound like?
BOY
Yeah, he’s alright. Free food and that, ya know.
VERNON
And he don’t hit ya or nuttin’?
BOY
Nah, not me. Me bro though. He gets a few beatings, no messing.
VERNON
And he’s coming tomorrow?
BOY
Yeah.
VERNON
You tell him you saw us though. We we’re here waiting.
BOY
Yeah, safe.
VERNON
You won’t forget?
BOY
Nah.
The boy cycles off.
VERNON
Well, come on. We might as well shoot la.
EDDY
Where to?
VERNON
Away. Away from here. Gordon’s not coming. He’ll be here tomorrow.
EDDY
Do you think we could get some rope? Or, a gun?
VERNON
Where are you gonna get a gun?
EDDY
Fair ‘nuff. I’ll look for some rope tonight and bring it tomorrow.
VERNON
Why?
EDDY
We’ll wait tomorrow. Then, if he don’t come.
Eddy makes a hanging gesture.
Vernon shrugs his shoulders.
VERNON
Fair ‘nuff.
THE SCREEN FADES.
EXT: WE SEE THE SAME AS BEFORE EXCEPT IT IS NOW SUMMER.
The opening shot shows the structure of the library which is made of concrete in a pseudo modernist eighties style.
After coming out of the off licence, Vernon is seen crossing the road with two bottles of white cider.
The camera follows him across the road. We get closer to the action as he hands one of the bottles to Eddy.
VERNON
Here are. Get this down ya.
EDDY
Jesus. Ya feeling fluch?
VERNON
Just drink it.
EDDY
In a minute. Just wait a while. Your always so eager. What’s the rush?
VERNON
What’s the matter with yo? Where did ya wake up?
EDDY
What?
VERNON
Where did ya sleep?
EDDY
In a ditch.
VERNON
Did they batter ya again?
EDDY
Yeah. Little bastards. Don’t know why they can’t leave me alone. What have I ever done to them?
VERNON
Nowt. Your just fair game as far as their concerned. Did they film ya this time?
EDDY
I don’t know. Leave me alone.
VERNON
Oh, humour me. It’ll pass the time.
EDDY
At my expense.
VERNON
True. But still, it’ll give you something to do.
Vernon playfully smacks Eddy around the head.
VERNON
Come on. Hit me.
EDDY
What?
Vernon smacks him again.
VERNON
Hit me.
EDDY
No.
Vernon slaps him a third time. Eddy halfheartedly attempts to defend himself.
VERNON
Yes come on. Fool!
They playfully fight until Eddy is knocked over exhausted. Eventually, they catch their breath.
VERNON
I know. Let’s play a game.
EDDY
Oh, no. What game?
VERNON
Em...I know. You’ve given me an idea. I’ll be Lucinda and you can be Paul.
EDDY
Who?
VERNON
You know. Like yesterday.
EDDY
Yesterday?
VERNON
Yes. Don’t tell me you don’t remember.
EDDY
What happened yesterday?
VERNON
You remember. We were here. Just like the day before?
EDDY
Oh, I don’t know. Lets have a sleep.
VERNON
No! Lets play. Come on. I’m bored. Look.
Vernon pretends to be Lucinda. He walks around pathetically, pretending to carry the bags.
VERNON
Come on. Curse me.
EDDY
Oh you...you...you
VERNON
Come on.
EDDY
I don’t know what to say.
VERNON
Say anything.
EDDY
You...you...sausage jockey!
VERNON
Sausage Jockey?! That’s not what he said!
EDDY
Oh, I don’t remember.
VERNON
Curse me. Come on.
EDDY
You...You wally.
VERNON
No worse. You know. Say you slag! You cow! Useless bitch!
All of a sudden, Eddy is enthused. He get’s into the moment a little too much!
EDDY
You fucking cunt! Useless twat! I’m gonna twist your fucking brain you ugly munter. I’m gonna...
VERNON
(Shocked) Woah! Woah! Ok let’s stop that now.
Eddy is instantly calm.
EDDY
OK.
VERNON
Don’t think we’ll be playing that for a while.
EDDY
Felt surprisingly good that.
VERNON
Whatever.
EDDY
Is there anything to eat?
VERNON
No, you had it yesterday.
EDDY
Oh...shall we go?
VERNON
Go where?
EDDY
Away...from here.
VERNON
We can’t.
EDDY
Why?
VERNON
We’re waiting for Gordon.
EDDY
Oh yeah. I forgot.
They wait.
Eddy attempts to get some sleep. Vernon paces. He lasts a couple of minutes in his own company until he can’t bare it any longer.
VERNON
OOh, I’m bored! Bored! Bored! Bored! (Shouting) Bored!!
Eddy awakens startled.
EDDY
What? What? What’s going on?
VERNON
I’m bored. Entertain me.
EDDY
Oh, why will you never let me sleep. I was having a beautiful dream. (Eddy thinks) Great tits. Not too big. Just right.
VERNON
Oh, for Christ sake. Why do we do this everyday. These inane conversations about...well about this.
EDDY
We could just sleep...Or, just go!
VERNON
We can’t.
EDDY
Oh no. We’re waiting.
EDDY AND VERNON
For Gordon.
They wait.
CUT TO:
EXT.
Shot of Paul and Lucinda in the distance. Lucinda is still carrying the bags. Paul is now wearing dark glasses and is holding a white stick.
CUT TO: Eddy and Vernon.
Vernon spots them.
VERNON
Oh no. Look who it is.
EDDY
Who?
VERNON
It’s Paul...and Lucinda.
EDDY
Who?
VERNON
You remember.
Paul and Lucinda come into shot running.
Lucinda accidentally trips Paul. He falls into the tree and then onto the floor, as does Lucinda.
They both lye on the floor.
PAUL
Help! Help!
Eddy and Vernon look at each other.
PAUL
Help! Help! For the love of God; Somebody help me!
VERNON
(Despondently) I think he needs help.
Eddy shrugs his shoulders.
PAUL
Help!
VERNON
(Mockingly) Would one be desiring an element of assistance?
PAUL
Who is there? Help me! Please!
EDDY
Should we help him?
VERNON
No.
EDDY
He may have some food.
VERNON
That is true. I like your thinking. We could bribe him.
EDDY
For five pounds.
VERNON
That would pass the time of day.
EDDY
Or maybe fifty.
VERNON
(Excited) Let’s help. It’s the moral thing to do.
PAUL
Help!
VERNON
Oh, I can’t listen to this all day. Let’s pick him up.
Eddy and Vernon attempt to pick up Paul off Lucinda. In doing so, though, they both fall over themselves whilst Paul remains in the same place.
VERNON | 
