It reads well and and feels natural. One thing. In the two plays that you have posted I have found Mrs Esposito and Mr Milosovich much more interesting as characters than Joey; there could be a danger that I will be sorry that I will not be seeing more of them and get a bit fed up with Joey as a result. My advice is to get the audience to like Joey and go on the journey with him from the very beginning.
Having said that, the idea of building up the story from different perspectives is good and I'm sure that you are on to a winner.
Joey (and story to a certain extent) is beginning to remind me of George in "Winesburg, Ohio" (that's a compliment :)
Don't blame you for not wanting to post more of these but I sure hope the last scene involves Beth some how.
The way you stress "several years" is interesting to me. Joey is only 22. I can only assume there are "other" family members (guardian, whoever) that's been looking after the young man for these several years. Another scene, perhaps?
I agree w/Muncy. Joey seems a bit static. Since this is the second consecutive scene with him being the second banana (so to speak), this must be your goal.
A bit disappointed with such sketchy details about Mike. Just me. I suppose the scene could get a bit sappy but I would think Joey could come up with something more than "he was a great guy" or "not a day goes by"
The bantering about Mrs. M and the screw heads and Joey's Dad and such is soooo good. Mr. M is alive for me. I have zero problems visualizing him in my head. (see Joey comments for the opposite effect). I can't see Joey yet in these two scenes. He's so perfect in these two scenes that I can't picture him as "gawky"...at least not yet. Based on all the details provided about her, I have an easier time picturing Mrs. M and she's not on stage.
Very good sprinkling of "Chicago" references. They do not get overbearing. This could be any town, but I can easily see this as Chicago.
One small thing: Evening. House scenes not a problem. Mr. M is outside here. Just a thought. Just me.
I love this concept. Even the titles remind me of "Winesburg, Ohio"....Good luck with this. Good luck with this. Good luck with this (3 times the charm).
Thank you muncy and timmy for all wise counsel, as usual.
At this point I am letting them all do the work. Later I can knock their heads together, if/when need be.
Muncy: "My advice is to get the audience to like Joey and go on the journey with him from the very beginning." Definitely to be looked into.
Right now, timmy, I am only a few holes out the front nine. (Looks cloudy and I forgot my umbrella.) We'll see what happens coming back in. Can't wait for the 19th hole. Maybe see you in the clubhouse.
Beth does figure in the plans.
Re: Mikey: there are more scenes to come.
I have no problem with Joey's age. He was 19 by the time parents both passed away. He is young, but not a child. Guardian: no. Relatives: yes.
So most likely will not post any more until I get much more done.
Good to know help is only a click away if necessary.