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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Critique my Play > At a loss with my end of middle section - any pointers?

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At a loss with my end of middle section - any pointers?  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Mon Mar 3rd, 2014 05:12 pm
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ServiceSpirit
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Joined: Wed Feb 26th, 2014
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Mana: 
The genre is sci fi / psychosis drama / love story and it's got creatures in it (I know )

quite a lot here but not the whole thing! I took off the very end which i'm happy with...


end of middle section - should have climax section i think?

SCENE SEVEN



LEIA: No I mean it, I can feel them, feel them – My vision is changing – it’s all different.

LEIA: Ah, ok… This is surreal. I’m being locked up again.

ANTHONY: No, you're not for a long time. This is the Exit, OH the entrance right.

LEIA and ANTHONY go through the door to the hospital in one move, spinning it to show “FIRE EXIT”. GOOGLIES return the hospital bed.

LEIA: You wanted to put me in here again? You won’t have me! Because I’m like this, isn’t it? So unsure about how to be an adult.

ANTHONY: It’s not that. I think you just got a bit afraid. I’ll stay here for a while ok.

LEIA: You want me gone. You want me put away? While you go off and have more adventures?

ANTHONY: We’ll find CLOUD-DOG. Come on.

LEIA: No! It’s alright I’ll go.

KATHY and JULIAN ENTER. Stand. ANTHONY walks LEIA over to them.

LEIA: It’s ok I’ll do it. Are you serious about me?

ANTHONY: Yes I am serious. Ok – I’ll be back tomorrow. I’ll visit every day – you’ll be ok. Take your meds!

LEIA: You’re leaving? You’re leaving me? Nooooo
Oh! You don’t want me!

ANTHONY: I’ll see you

LEIA is lead to the meds window, which lowers.

LEIA: All you care about is what you can get out of this!


ANTHONY: That’s not true, I promise. I’ll see you tomorrow.

LEIA: No, no, no, no, no.

KATHY hands LEIA her meds, LEIA takes them. The window half raises. KATHY walks LEIA to the bed, but LEIA moves to lie on the floor. KATHY takes a seat near the bed.

MOON. SUN. MOON. SUN. On projector.

KATHY checks on LEIA.












SCENE EIGHT




LEIA gets up and goes to sit in the main room.

KATHY ENTERS with a pill trolley and gives LEIA her medication. LEIA sits in the main room.

LEIA (To KATHY): So… me and JULIAN? We’re married now? OK he can be my STAFF husband. I think I need one on the STAFF, should make it more fun around here.

LEIA takes a flapjack out of her bag. She tries to eat it, but spits it out, spraying it everywhere. LEIA dances. ANTHONY ENTERS.

ANTHONY: I bought you some food. I know the food is bad here.

LEIA (Looks): I don’t want any of that. It all just ends up between my ribs, my stomach split off from my Esophagus. I can only have the sweet chili dipping sauce, and the liquid from the pot noodle. But it’s difficult to strain out all the bits. If I eat peanuts they end up between my ribs.

ANTHONY: I’ll tell the Nurses.

LEIA: I don’t think I want to speak to anyone right now – You put me back in this place - OK, just Fuck off I want to do some more yoga.

ANTHONY: OK. I’ll see you tomorrow. We’re still looking for CLOUD-DOG.

LEIA has a sudden jolt.
LEIA dances, SUN. MOON. SUN. MOON. She takes meds and window lowers and raises.

GOOGLIE 1 rolls in wearing the motocross helmet with a flashing mohekan.

GOOGLIE 1: LEIA! Hi…If only I could re direct a Phone call from someone important? Someone who knows you? Useless… utterly useless. There’s nothing I can do.

LEIA: Nothing you can do? No I guess not… hey can I text you now?


GOOGLIE 1: Yeah. Email too. I think you won’t always need the sushi bar like most people

LEIA: Great! If there’s something you can skim off the top there? Ah!! Thursday lessons.

GOOGLIE 1: Not getting you. It’s frustrating. Sorry LEIA.

KATHY takes the trolley, EXITS.

LEIA reacts as if being tapped on the shoulder by something unseen again.

LEIA: GOOGLIE? I’m not sure – was that Death? That is pretty scary. Death just tapped me on the shoulder. I need help here I really do I need help.

GOOGLIE: I’ll see if I can whisper to CLOUD-DOG. I don’t know… I’ll try.

DEMON VOICE: Internal Fire!

LEIA: I have a fever!!! Not long to live. I have to cool down. See you later.

LEIA removes her trousers and pulls her top down to compensate.

JOHNNY ENTERS

JOHNNY: You can’t go around like that.

LEIA: Like what?

JOHNNY: You’re not wearing Trousers. You should put some clothes on.

LEIA: I am – this is a skirt.

LEIA gestures to the hem of her top, which she lets down over her shoulders to cover herself a bit more.

JONNNY: O.K. No – it really isn’t. I was hoping we could meet for coffee when you get out of this place. It was good, with us, er - we worked well together. Sorry I’ll go.

LEIA: I didn’t think I’d see you again. We were really into each other. Weren't we? I remember sitting there after a long night of not seeing each other. Sharing a rollie.




JOHNNY: Huddled together like we were at the end of the world. I thought we might have something. Do we? I felt strongly at the time. I was just wondering if there could be anything else, you really helped me. It takes a lot of waiting. For the right person?

LEIA: You’re too late. If you hadn’t gone away, maybe. No hard feelings. We were really in love weren’t we?

JOHNNY: Yes, yes we were.

LEIA: Can I tell you a secret?

LEIA takes jeans from her bag and puts them on.

LEIA: I can talk to Gods.

JOHNNY looks crestfallen.

JOHNNY: OK. I’ll say bye.

LEIA: Oh JOHNNY….

LEIA dances.

GOOGLIE 1 ENTERS as JOHNNY EXITS

GOOGLIE 1: LEIA – that star can’t help. CLOUD-DOG wants to try other Stars. But you can get your animal soul back.

LEIA: Oh I keep doing Soul exchange!

GOOGLIE: Ok, (unsure how to respond). This part is the only bit that comes and goes. But you’ll have to come with me.

LEIA (unconvinced): How?

GOOGLIE 1: Don’t worry – close your eyes.

GOOGLIE: Choose one.

LEIA looks and chooses a glass teapot.

LEIA: The glass teapot.

CLOUD-DOG ENTERS. LEIA and CLOUD-DOG stand close, looking at each other.

LEIA: Come on CLOUD-DOG, come back to me!!!

CLOUD-DOG: You know I wasn’t going to stay away.

LEIA: The VOICES?

CLOUD-DOG: They’re not real.

LEIA: I saw them in ATHENA’s temple. They got back through…

CLOUD-DOG: No.

LEIA: They did and you protected me.

CLOUD-DOG: I protect you through your imagination. I thought there was another way… It’s all you. Trust us, stay with us. The meds are working…

LEIA: I’m going back to the hospital. I need to work this out.

CLOUD-DOG: Ok, I’ll be there.

Sushi Bar closes again. Wheel stops spinning.

LEIA: Right!

LEIA meditates on the floor again.

DEMON VOICE/S are heard on speaker.

DEMON VOICE/S 1: Twinkle – Twinkle.

LEIA: I don’t believe you. I can’t believe you.

DEMON VOICE/S 3: You know me now.

LEIA: I do, I think so yes.

DEMON VOICE/S 3: Can’t get you on the inside.

LEIA: No – yes. I think you always will.

DEMON VOICE/S 4: Do you want me?

LEIA: No. Not really not any more. I mean you will come back. OH my god, I understand now! Cloud-Dog? I’m not like that! I’m not normally such a dreamer…

LEIA (Frowns): Wow I’m actually quite a negative person aren’t I? My looks, other people’s looks… my thoughts, what other people think… I don’t remember being as boring as this. OH wow - I’m as self-critical as that? AND insecure.

DEMON VOICE/S 2: The Stars have magic… but it’s…

LEIA packs her things into a bag.

LEIA turns the double doors.

LEIA: Not a nice place really – I thought it was for a while.

ANTHONY AND LEIA cover the chairs with a blanket. They sit on a park bench (lighting, birdsong). Medication window raises completely.

ANTHONY (TO LEIA): It’s great to meet someone outside of the family who knows their CLOUD-FRIEND. I’ve only come across it very occasionally outside of my family. Just passing in the Sushi Bar once or twice. A few times.

LEIA: A few times? Ever?

ANTHONY: Not much more than twenty. And my uncle introduced me to two of them. Distant family.

LEIA: I don’t even know if I know you though.

ANTHONY: We don’t know each other that well.

LEIA: Is there no break? Is there ever any let up?
Can you talk to me? I’m freezing.

ANTHONY: I know you’ll always be unwell from time to time.

LEIA and ANTHONY “serenade” each other with dance and spoken words, spinning the door, staying for a while either side of it, spinning it on wheels.




etc etc Romantic ending
I am grateful you read to the end here

This is pretty horrible - I took out all the good bits at the end here
the rest of the play is good if you can believe it


Last edited on Mon Mar 3rd, 2014 07:05 pm by ServiceSpirit

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