|Take Me Home
Ah, homesickness; take me home.
Take me home to the terrorist bombs;
To milky tea and cream jam scones.
Take me home, where the sun stays away
For fifty weeks a year unless were lucky in May.
Oh, Delboy, take me home.
Where the beer cost twice as much and still tastes like piss.
Where the people are scared of one another’s prejudice
Ah, take me to London for jellied eels.
To the North for pea’s pudding. Then home to Wales.
For rock cakes and oggies and fine roasted lamb.
Bollocks! It’s ruined. It’s been cooked by me Mam.
Oh, sod it. Let’s go. Lets all board a train
To fat and grease
I’m even missing the rain.
Fish and Chips – Cod or Plaice
Glorious breakfast’s salty fat laced
Sausage, bacon, runny egg –
The BBC and long lost friends
Oh, Linekar, tell me: What’s the score?
Are Leeds 3 three nil down, or is it more?
Arsenal one nil, Chelsea two, a couple for United
Spurs – City drew.
Ah, take me home so I can read:
The Guardian, The Mirror, The Sunday Times
Where Tony’s white grin masks his many war crimes.
Ah, take me home, so I can see,
Where we went wrong,
And complain over tea.
Ah, tea, tea; take me to tea.
Two sugars please and a drop of whisky.
Oh bring me the fanfare. I’m here at my door.
It’s done like that in Shakespeare and at King Arthur’s Court.
Bring me Marmite and plenty of cake.
Yes, Victoria Sponge. It’s all you can make.
Oh, ah, I’m home, I can’t want for more.
But I turn on the TV then bolt for the door.
Oh Stelios, Stelios, take me away!
I’ll give you my money just give me a plane.
This is one hell of a weird fucked up place
What a twisted, illogical fucked up race.