Two Stories - Critique my Poem - The Art & Craft of Writing

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Two Stories

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timmy
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Joined:	Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location:	Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts:	370
Status:	Offline
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Posted: Sat May 24th, 2008 11:07 pm

Quote

His:

Standing on the front porch
i feel like praying

i don’t know what to ask;
what i want
God won’t give me

What I want is this:
to go back to sleep,
back before you walked
with me down Division
Street, our heads touching
under a blue umbrella

Our rain-dowsed hands
clenched like one fist

I would have protected you
from lions if i would have
had the chance

i never did

Hers:

Standing on the front porch
i did pray

that one day we would sit
down on a stone bench
and breathe lilacs
under a fierce sky

sip green tea together and read
our futures in the leaves

Maybe next time we’d receive
a fair warning of tears
and dark dresses

Yours, a far journey
in a boat strewn with purple liacs

my own boat loaded with sugar
and spice and everything nice

it never happened

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