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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Ghosts

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 Posted: Thu Feb 19th, 2009 03:24 pm
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kris
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Mana: 
This poem actually was one of several entries in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com) that I also sent to Edd for his amusement. He broke the sentence into lines, added a title, and found a poem!


Ghosts

The ghosts of her good looks

fluttered 'round her face,

whispering of beauty

now withered and sere,

briefly and barely discernible

only in the perfect conjunction

of angle and light.



Last edited on Thu Feb 19th, 2009 03:25 pm by kris

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 Posted: Thu Feb 19th, 2009 04:15 pm
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stephenw
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Mana: 
For some reason, I really like the line "only in the perfect conjunction" - I feel like it's actually the weakest line of the piece, but in reference to "ghosts" it - and the rest of the poem, for that matter - expresses physical presence.  How her looks are not gone now but are "hiding in the light" - which is a classic line from something - I just can't remember what!  Anyway, I enjoyed it.  Simplicity is hard to beat.

stephen

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 Posted: Sat Feb 21st, 2009 06:21 pm
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kris
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Mana: 
Thanks, stephen. I appreciate your comments.

And welcome aboard. This forum is a fine place to play with words and make friends.

All the best,

kris

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 Posted: Sun Feb 22nd, 2009 02:15 pm
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in media res
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Mana: 
Kind of reminds me when Mitch turns the light on over Blanche in "Streetcar."

I had to look up "sere." Perfect. I had never in my life encountered the word.

Beautiful.

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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Ghosts Top




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