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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > My father is John Doe

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 Posted: Tue Apr 14th, 2009 02:32 am
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1085
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I learn the most about you
by what you speak:

a strange language on four
legs, crawling back and forth
over my skin; verbal book

marks of those cities
you visited before I was
born...the ones you always

meant to return to and do
so now in that funny way
you speak with dementia.

Last week you asked me
if your mother was still alive,
this two weeks before
your seventy-ninth birthday;

At that moment my heart
was a collection of birds
without sounds and I thought

forgive me, father, I want
to remove your name,
I want to see you bare.

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 Posted: Tue Apr 14th, 2009 03:24 pm
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in media res
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timmy,

Having gone through this a few times with a parent and two close friends, for me it is right on the money.

The title is terrific.

The last two stanzas are pure as distilled water as well as a beautifully written, gut-wrenching summation.

best,

in media res

Last edited on Tue Apr 14th, 2009 03:26 pm by in media res

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