Timmy I love this. I am going to give you my initial responses and gut reactions that I hope will help you to make ‘changing or staying’ the same decisions!
I loved the idea of the blanket and the pillow and how it leads to the wrecked and exposed bed at the end. It is a powerful read.
There were a couple of lines I thought unnecessary, eg ”I don’t wish to miss an opportunity” and “in case I need to cover insecurities.” I think these things are already said in your more concrete images.
The ending – I was uncertain whether it was undiluted passion or violence you were expressing. I could not quite work out if the narrator was oppressed or liberated by this encounter. “Ripped” and “billowing smoke” suggests both passion and violence. “Dangling” suggests insecurity and uncertainty about the relationship…… I think “apology” is also ambiguous. Not sure if a sexual crime has been committed of if the other person has somehow got beneath the covers to find “you”. The title also adds to this ambiguity for me. Is this person humbled by passion? Is this a fear about honesty and truth?
Hope you get a picture from a reader response. Thanks for posting it. Don’t stop. Love the rocking head of poetry and yours rocks! x
Timmy - this is my immediate reaction: I felt straight away that the narrator is vulnerable - easily damaged - and in a dangerous place (the soft fruit from 'home orchards' in the harsh environment of market aisles) - and needing comfort, hope (the pillow, the dream, warm cotton). There's the harshness of the lover (the hard sticks vs the soft fruit), and violence & chaos & threat (dangling covers, ripped sheets billowing smoke). Wonderful imagery. Don't know if you need 'to cover insecurities' because you already show that really well. Also, the fruit imagery - it's not picked up again - could it be? I love reading your poetry.