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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Out In The Congo

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Out In The Congo  Rating:  Rating
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 Posted: Sun Nov 8th, 2009 01:24 am
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Potabasil
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He was washing his clothes
out in the Congo
sent his mother
a photograph
of his clean clothes

She was a wise woman
looked very closely
saw a packet of Daz
in the photo

The people at Daz
sent her a cheque
can we use this photo
from out in the Congo

She went to the pawn shop
and said to the broker
my son's out in the Congo
I know said the man
I just saw the photo

Last edited on Wed Sep 21st, 2016 10:15 pm by Potabasil

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 Posted: Sun Nov 8th, 2009 03:01 pm
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HarveyRabbit
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Very lovely. And very Irish.

Well done.

H.

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 Posted: Sun Nov 8th, 2009 05:24 pm
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Edd
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Ditto, ditto, ditto to Harvey's comment. You have a nice touch with irony.

~Edd

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 Posted: Fri Nov 13th, 2009 10:30 pm
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Potabasil
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Thank you Rabbit Rabbit.  Haven't seen you around in ages, where did you hop off too?

Last edited on Fri Nov 13th, 2009 10:30 pm by Potabasil

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 Posted: Fri Nov 13th, 2009 10:31 pm
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Potabasil
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Edd

Thank you

Potabasil

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 Posted: Sun Nov 15th, 2009 05:24 pm
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HarveyRabbit
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Still around from time to time, lovely Imelda. Busy with my latest opus, so not around so much. And it's so nice to see this charming poem again. I don't think I could ever tire of it.

H.

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 Posted: Wed Nov 18th, 2009 01:03 pm
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erslyman
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Anecdotal, at best. A plain-stated rendering. One wishes immediately for more engagement by specificity. Commentary falls short of poetry by a large measure.

An absence of an intense voice makes this effort a snoozer.

Silly and amateurish.

 

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 Posted: Wed Nov 18th, 2009 01:42 pm
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Potabasil
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Erslman

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my little poem.  I think I shall leave it as it is.

Potabasil

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 Posted: Wed Nov 18th, 2009 03:31 pm
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Kurt
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Last edited on Sat Dec 12th, 2009 01:28 pm by Kurt

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 Posted: Wed Sep 21st, 2016 10:17 pm
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Potabasil
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and now...drums rolling
They have made a Movie "The Seige of JadotVille" On Netflix worldwide early October 2016

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