The Playwrights Forum Home 
 

SEARCH STAGEPLAYS.COM
THE WORLD'S LARGEST PLAY DATABASE

  STAGEPLAYS BOOKSHOP NEW CYBERPRESS PLAYS PLAYWRIGHTING BOOKS PUBLISH MY PLAY AFFILIATE PROGRAM THE THEATRE BANNER EXCHANGE  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > No Writing Tonight

* STAGEPLAYS WANTS TO PUBLISH YOUR PLAY *
click here for details

 Moderated by: Paddy, Edd
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
No Writing Tonight  Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Sun Jul 11th, 2010 05:08 pm
  PM Quote Reply
1st Post
Edd
Moderator


Joined: Sat Jun 10th, 2006
Location: Denver, Colorado USA
Posts: 1622
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
timmy,

I can only echo the words of in media res.  I read everything you post and you never cease to amaze.  The only critique I could possibly give is that I love your work and I'm anxious to buy your published collected works that, without doubt, will sooner than later, be available.

Best,
Edd

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Sun Jul 11th, 2010 05:01 pm
  PM Quote Reply
2nd Post
timmy
Member
 

Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1079
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Thank you for your thoughts, sammy.

Not sure I agree on "separated" to "separate"...changes intended meaning. But I do appreciate your comments.

timmy

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Tue Jul 6th, 2010 11:26 pm
  PM Quote Reply
3rd Post
sammyt035
Member
 

Joined: Tue Jul 6th, 2010
Location: Tampa
Posts: 10
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
to improve the flow and keep the message - maybe, "pen and notebook, like father and mother, separate, deceased".

Im trying to find the correlation between the "childrens shoes that no longer fit" and the "empty space again, one page open". I think your eluding to your inability at that time to fit thoughts to word but It doesn't paint a vivid image.

your stuff is good and I am most likely less than skilled enough to give an authoritative critique, but as a reader, those are my thoughts. 

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Fri Jun 18th, 2010 02:33 pm
  PM Quote Reply
4th Post
in media res
Moderator
 

Joined: Sun Jul 2nd, 2006
Location:  
Posts: 1925
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
timmy,

Keep the streak going!

More importantly, has it made you a better golfer?

IMR

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Thu Jun 17th, 2010 05:07 pm
  PM Quote Reply
5th Post
Alan
Member
 

Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location:  
Posts: 130
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Maybe keep the final shoe singular, like the page?

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Thu Jun 17th, 2010 03:08 pm
  PM Quote Reply
6th Post
timmy
Member
 

Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1079
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
105 days.

This is making me a better writer ;)

timmy

(Your comments are too kind. At any time...critique)

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Thu Jun 17th, 2010 03:20 am
  PM Quote Reply
7th Post
in media res
Moderator
 

Joined: Sun Jul 2nd, 2006
Location:  
Posts: 1925
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
timmy,

You keep killing me! No, slaughtering me.

Even though I may not always comment, I read everything you post.

best,

in media res

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Thu Jun 17th, 2010 03:18 am
  PM Quote Reply
8th Post
timmy
Member
 

Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1079
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Pen and notebook,
like father and mother,
separated, deceased

a single page opened
by the wind

the empty space
again, one page open

like children’s shoes
that no longer fit

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

Current time is 01:33 am  
The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > No Writing Tonight Top




UltraBB 1.17 Copyright © 2007-2011 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1664 seconds (21% database + 79% PHP). 26 queries executed.