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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > I'm in a Good Mood Today

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 Posted: Tue Jul 20th, 2010 07:05 pm
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kris
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Location: Centennial, Colorado USA
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   I'm in a Good Mood Today  

I will sit cross-legged in the exact
                    center
of the living room
as my house
and my body
fall
down

around me, seeking

dreams already run to ground.
 

The sky will smile bluely through
splintered rafters
      dangling
          urns
              and ollas

as magpies peck the still live flesh

along my spine and remember

how they feasted on the beasts
of burden
        plodding
Westward, Ho!

through the dumb haze of not yet death.

Last edited on Tue Jul 20th, 2010 07:06 pm by kris

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 Posted: Tue Jul 20th, 2010 07:28 pm
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Edd
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Stunning.  Disturbing, but gorgeous and stunning.  I like how the formatting reinforces its sense.  So beautiful.

Edd

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 Posted: Tue Jul 20th, 2010 09:19 pm
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kris
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Thank you so much, Edd. It goes without saying how much your encouragement means to me.

kris

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 Posted: Wed Jul 21st, 2010 02:31 am
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timmy
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kris:

Love the playfulness of this. In a macabre kind of way.

Interesting b/c I "know" you have had a good week with your other announcements. I like the way the poem collapses as the house and your life collapse around you. Almost get a sense of the Donner party with the body pecking, etc.

Like I said...interesting theme.

timmy

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 Posted: Wed Jul 21st, 2010 06:40 pm
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in media res
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kris,

Well, I had to look up "olla!' Never heard that word and never saw it in print before.

I like how you use "bluely" for the color and the emotion.

Visual formatting works well as edd said, both on falling down and the objects hanging etc.

Use of irony from the title is great. I actually laughed as I was reading the poem. And what is interesting, if it is not funny, it simultaneously can be terribly dark, almost depressive. Works both ways. I can see it being performed/interpreted both ways.

Great imagery on this:

as magpies peck the still live flesh
along my spine and remember
how they feasted on the beasts of burden
plodding
Westward, Ho!
through the dumb haze of not yet death.

Philip Larkin, whom I love, could not have gotten bleaker.

I would like to have you write a companion piece called:

"I'm In A Bad Mood Today."

best,

in media res


P. s. Here is the latest on the Donner Party, timmy.

http://www.aolnews.com/surge-desk/article/honest-abes-handwriting-discovered-on-donner-party-document/19561838

Last edited on Wed Jul 21st, 2010 06:41 pm by in media res

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