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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > The sea for me is not like god.

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The sea for me is not like god.  Rating:  Rating
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 Posted: Fri Aug 25th, 2006 11:36 pm
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zabriel
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Mana: 

The sea for me is not like god.
 


That fool of a priest was wrong.
He stood there in our island church
sweating and green like a weed on shore
sick from his short crossing here
and said his god was like the sea.
 
The sea for me is not like god
the sea is god, It holds me,
feeds me, gives me life and
when it chooses it will reach
out a hand and stop my breath.

I carried his bags to the harbour
and helped him to board the boat.
β€œI hear you people never learn to swim,”
he said, β€œis it the coldness of the sea?”
I answered with a question of my own.

"When your god says your time has come
and reaches for you, will you run?"


 

Last edited on Mon Aug 28th, 2006 07:16 pm by zabriel

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 Posted: Fri Aug 25th, 2006 11:40 pm
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Edd
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zabrial,

I loved this!  Not only because it represents my Pagan view, but because it is also brave.  Thank you.

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 Posted: Sun Aug 27th, 2006 08:35 am
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Boz2
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Mana: 
This is really evocative of the sea and the loneliness of islands.

I've visited Lundy and Lindesfarne [the setting for Roman Polanki's Cul de Sac.]

Small islands have a mystical quality no man made rituals can come close to matching.
The way the sea surges all round, changing colour hour by hour and the strange sounds it makes.

I've re read it several times and it's still resonating in my head.

Great!

And let's hear it for the Pagans.

PS Invite the priest back and have a party on the beach.

This way for the Wickerman, Father!



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 Posted: Sun Aug 27th, 2006 11:24 pm
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zabriel
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Thanks Boz and Edd for your positive feedback.

I feel I should say that the 'voice' in this poem (or the narator) is not me.  I say this because readers often assume that poetry (even more so than fiction) is always autobiographical. Im not an island fisherman (or indeed a pagan in most senses of the word). The poem does have a bit of a dig at the sort of church I grew up in (anglican) which looks down its nose at more primitive beliefs and at vicars who have a tendency to go around saying "... and thats a bit like god isnt it."

I've now started work a play based on this poem as per a challenge from paddy.

When I say 'started work' I mean I've begun thinking about it. 

When I say 'begun thinking' I mean Ive decided Im going to do it.

When I say .... You get the idea!

 

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 Posted: Mon Aug 28th, 2006 01:50 am
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timmy
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Mana: 
...wonderful image. the "short crossing" is a nice stab.

**small suggestion for form's sake: quote yourself at the end to match the conversation w/the priest. perhaps the conversation could be italicized?

(although i can't figure out how to do that myself even though the toolbar is right above me. Nothing i try to do ever shows up when i post and it "quarks" my form sometimes when i post...

thanks for posting.....glad to see another poet on the island ;)

timmy

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 Posted: Mon Aug 28th, 2006 08:39 am
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zabriel
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Mana: 
Thanks Timmy,

You're right the last two lines need quotes and in some drafts they are there and in some I take them off again.  But I must be consistent.

Punctuating Poems is a Pain in the Posterior!

I can see why E. E. Cummings decided to write the way he did. Now if only I had his talent instead of just his distrust of punctuation.

Thanks again for the welcome - I'm looking forward to reading and critiquing (sp) the othe poets her.

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