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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Almost

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 Posted: Tue Feb 1st, 2011 11:41 pm
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
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When one walks alone,
the sky sometimes
repeats its lonely color
of rain, and every drop
repeats the other drops
until all its gray
is extinguished

Just as smaller branches
repeat smaller versions
of the larger branch
from the trunk, a son repeats
his parents; only he is not
his parents, he is
only the seed,
but this is necessary
for life’s repetition,
for life’s repetition

And just as eyes, like two blue
pillows, repeat sleep every night,
they sleep and move beneath lids
and dream of what was read today,
what was seen today, maybe
how she looked in her red dress
that night she looked
like red-to-almost-wine

When one walks alone,
the sky sometimes
repeats its whole gamut
of colors, the blues
and the blacks, the oranges
of every sunset from the time
he knew the days would continue
until now

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 Posted: Wed Feb 2nd, 2011 03:33 am
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Alan
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Excellent.

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 Posted: Wed Feb 9th, 2011 12:52 am
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Potabasil
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Love this  Timmy

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 Posted: Wed Feb 9th, 2011 03:03 pm
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in media res
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timmy,

You have transformed a most frigid Chicago day, with me suffering miserably the last few days from the first good old-fashioned monster cold I've had in 20 years. I had forgotten how they can just knock one out. I have been moving from couch to chair to bed to couch just like an old dog left alone in the house.

I've just read it ALMOST(!) 10 times. It only gets better.

Thank you. It is great medicine.

in media res

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 Posted: Fri Feb 11th, 2011 03:09 am
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timmy
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Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
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Potabasil and Alan: Thank you.

IMR: Weather has been sub-human this year (and I've lived on the tundra my whole life).

Sorry to hear you have the crud...no fun...but glad I could be of service and hope things are looking up for you. Thanks.

timmy

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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Almost Top




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