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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Is this any good as a poem?

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 Posted: Wed Mar 2nd, 2011 03:30 pm
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timmy
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Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
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Mana: 
The title has a certain charm to it...

Please join the forum and stay awhile...

timmy   

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 Posted: Tue Mar 1st, 2011 06:18 pm
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Swann1719
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Mana: 
I really liked parts of it.  I was carried away by the imagery. 

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 Posted: Tue Mar 1st, 2011 08:57 am
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tjjwhole
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Mana: 
Oh big blue sky, such vast expanse,

Wide enough to hold so many weathers,

All at the same time, speak to my mind of such.

That I too as soul can hold many weathers

All to the same and still swim and breathe

The vastness left

 

Oh big blue sky a body knowing hunger

Before starvation sing your starvation pangs

Grumbling never far gone, unheard

Why then river’s soul still starving, of rivers

Dammed shut and clutched in fists of mind,

Clasped numb, nerves silenced, what note to still?

 

Oh big blue sky, I want be freed, want

Loosed the notes off page and staff.

Played instead, upon vast blue hues,

Freed the struggle, freed gripping doubt,

Weary in bones running from truth and knowing,

Of miss played clefs.

 

Oh big blue sky un-clutching, emptying,

Wondering what note pain, what shape colour

What taste the fragrance left, in wind’s nostrils past.

 Soul’s river opening, and wondering from whence

Pain rests before the visit? Before pain striking

Eardrum only carves pitiful canyons of heart?

 

Oh big blue sky do tell, unwavering

Where stories gushed forth on paper rest

Before the music to compose them

Where stories sounding voices rest

Before dance choreographed them

Rain secrets at play in riverbed’s clay

 

 

Oh big blue sky, entertainer wise

Tell the compositions the wind paints

In floods, torrent upon torrent

Birthing only questions afloat the Soul

And urging onward the call beyond the familiar

To night sounds yet to hear.

 

 

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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Is this any good as a poem? Top




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