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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Listen

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 Posted: Mon Jun 13th, 2011 02:16 am
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Alan
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Mana: 
Thanks, Timmy.  I greatly respect you as a poet, so it means a lot, your "enjoyed."  I liked playing with the rhyme.  Most of the time, it didn't produce much, but I was pleased with the final couplet.  Working with the tight form of the sonnet produces nice little tidbits of meaning sometimes.  Otherwise, I ain't much of a poet. 

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 Posted: Sat Jun 11th, 2011 03:49 pm
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timmy
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Mana: 
Sneaky rhyme scheme, Alan

First two lines set nicely what you don't want to say and everything you do say can still be heard...

Enjoyed

timmy

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 Posted: Wed Jun 8th, 2011 04:57 pm
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Alan
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Mana: 
Listen. That's all I have to say. I have
nothing to say, but I want you to listen.
To my breath trying to speak, to pave
a way to some thought that might glisten
rather than simply be, inert on the floor
of my brain, ordinary as a stain
that lies beside the refrigerator door.
It holds no music, is worth no refrain.
Listen. The nothing I speak, the closed lock
shines with caring for you. I wouldn't try
if it didn't matter. I'd try to throw a rock
if you were closer. Instead I toss a sigh.
Hear me when I speak and say nothing.
The silence is my love in pauper's clothing.


Last edited on Wed Jun 8th, 2011 04:57 pm by Alan

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