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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Lyrics for my Father

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Lyrics for my Father  Rating:  Rating
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 Posted: Sat Oct 27th, 2012 10:40 pm
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timmy
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Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
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Mana: 
I tightened up the first stanza, Allan. Thanks.

But really, the title cries for line breaks :)

timmy

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 Posted: Mon May 28th, 2012 09:30 pm
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Allan_West
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Mana: 
Good poem Timmy. The only thing I would suggest is not to break it up with line breaks so much. Let a line flow full sometimes.

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 Posted: Sun May 20th, 2012 04:21 pm
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timmy
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Mana: 
Nothing
but glass
bones, really;
perhaps
a ligament,
one loose
thread
from
the man

He showed
me the wonders
of masculinity
all young boys
need

Sometimes
we fished,
ate meat,
had relationships
with women

How strange
to miss a man
so much

Last edited on Sat Oct 27th, 2012 10:39 pm by timmy

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