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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Christmas in Newtown

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Christmas in Newtown  Rating:  Rating
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 Posted: Thu Dec 20th, 2012 09:53 pm
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timmy
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So you think I wish
to die slowly around
these children? reliving,
repenting all those
miserable moments
of my life, moments

I would give anything
to stop, to do over,
all those times when
I was lustful, gluttonous,
greedy, slow, wrathful,
envious, superb, lastly
hypocritical and untrue

Not a chance, no thanks,
please, Lord, take me
fast, in one smashing,
crashing, blood
splattering 30 seconds
when the children won't
even have time to cry

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 Posted: Thu Dec 20th, 2012 09:56 pm
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Edd
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Stunning, Timothy. Simply stunning.

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 Posted: Sun Dec 23rd, 2012 05:10 pm
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in media res
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Exactly, edd. Stunning. Painfully stunning. Stop my heart stunning.

IMR

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 Posted: Mon Dec 24th, 2012 01:36 am
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timmy
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Edd:

You've been hiding. Happy Holidays. Hope writing has been good to you.

timmy

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 Posted: Mon Dec 24th, 2012 01:42 am
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timmy
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IMR:

Heard the Gov. of Connecticut say that "evil" had visited Newtown. Tried to picture Adam Lanza as evil (or vice versa).

Have an egg nog or two on me.

timmy

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 Posted: Mon Dec 24th, 2012 03:01 am
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timmy,

Actually I am in New Orleans with the brother-in-law and my wife having great food and GREEEEEEAT small batch bourbon for a week. Jacob's Creek is ethereal.

The "evil" happened long before the event. It is called national "denial."

We have more (black) kids killed in Chicago in 5 weeks than happens in (mostly white) Connecticut in a day.

You totally fulfilled the poem's job and your intent beyond compete.

Write about the the mother. Who had a kid with "proclivities." And the guns she made available? She took him to the shooting range. The guns were not locked up?!!!!!

I grew up around guns. They were never locked up. My dad's transgression from the era. But, I never a problem with thems.

Anyway. Bless you for the poem. It said more than all the news reports of the entire coverage about the horrible event. And the political left/right crap about gun control. That is what a poem should do.

Merry Christmas. So sad.

"And to all a good night."

IMR

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