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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > BREVITY

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 Posted: Fri May 24th, 2013 01:23 pm
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Mana: 
Thank you.

Yeah, the title does trump "But all too brief." Thanks.

Spring is there cuz lots of people do not know their flora.

City is there because there are a lot of "country" girls in the city! I can pick em a mile away.

timmy, is it now a Kodak moment, or is it an iPhone moment?!!!!?

Tempora mutantur!


Ahhhhh!

Best to all, have a good long weekend.

IMR

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 Posted: Wed May 22nd, 2013 05:55 pm
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timmy
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Mana: 
I like the "conciseness" matching the poem to title. (I agree w/Kato: the "brief" line is redundant given the context).

From a guy who was raking the weight of snow off his roof the first week of May, the poem is refreshing. Might consider shuffling "perennial" up above the flowers or just below them for that connection...just a thought.

"City" is also a bit redundant b/c Chicago is mentioned. As is "Spring" if May is mentioned. Or vice versa ;)

Nice Kodak type moment. I was there w/you. I saw your glance to the "sweet"-ness of her smile.


timmy

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 Posted: Wed May 22nd, 2013 03:14 pm
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katoagogo
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Mana: 
I found myself reading it a few times, but leaving out the "but all too brief" part during my returns.

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 Posted: Tue May 21st, 2013 05:16 pm
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Edd
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Mana: 
All too brief in deed! Very nice. I could feel it and see it. Thanks.

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 Posted: Tue May 21st, 2013 02:39 pm
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BREVITY


Lilacs daffodils tulips forsythia

Spring

Perennial

Beautiful

But all too brief

As is the sweet nod and smile

From a stylish young City woman

Passing by a man sitting

Outside a bakery enjoying coffee on a

Sunny Sunday morning in May

In Chicago

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