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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Poetry

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 Posted: Fri May 9th, 2014 10:00 pm
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christinak951
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Joined: Fri May 9th, 2014
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Mana: 
The drumming on your shell is dull,
Vibrations coil into every crack
Weakening the foundation.

Slowly. Tenderly. Lovingly.

Drop by drop the drumming expands the fortitude,
It permeates your cavern until it has monopolized the self.

Slowly, tenderly, lovingly.

The cavern floods,
Filled with endless drops of haunting questions.
They stream into the cavern,

Cover it condemn it consume it

Strike the shell, pull it apart.
Leave nothing for yourself.
Expose everything to the questions.

Find, that you have no answers.

You have been penetrated in your isolation
Suffocating silence fills the self
You are endless.

Slowy. Tenderly. Lovingly.

Last edited on Fri May 9th, 2014 10:02 pm by christinak951

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 Posted: Fri May 16th, 2014 06:44 pm
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
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Mana: 
Do like the flow of sounds through the triples, the use of -ing words, and just general word choic (e.g. drumming, vibrations, strike the shell....heck, even a cavern is a orchestra hall of sounds all its own).

Nice.

You are mistaken.  You are a poet. 

timmy

ps: every poem deserves a title. 

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