I was in your head
yes I truly was
remember we spoke
mind to mind
did you hear
did you know
I was listening
to thoughts you thought
I thought this could never be
they must have never been
yet my illusion persists
haunting
daunting
seducing
a risky pleasure
mixed with fear
so irresistible
I did not want it to end
did you feel the same
did you feel the future
the cannot-be-happening
encounter with the impossible
and I didn’t know the etiquette.
Like the undulations and repetitions (e.g. I was, I truly was...& again here: did you hear / did you know & other places.
"persistent / persists"...not sure about that one. Kind of a tongue twister, this one. But maybe it works b/c of the hard sound and/or negative connotation of the image. I like it but I don't kind of thing.
This poem would sound really, really good read aloud, I think.
Thank you much for your comments. When they come from a real poet, I listen, I'm grateful. You are right on about the persistent/persists thing. I am going with 'persists'. See above for edited. Thank you, sir, but one last thing: I thought we stopped using "boss" when Central Park was a flower pot. ;)
