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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > third rewrite of Who Stole My Forty-fives

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third rewrite of Who Stole My Forty-fives  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Sat Nov 4th, 2006 04:22 am
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John Watts
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Joined: Mon Jun 12th, 2006
Location: Newark, New Jersey USA
Posts: 163
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Mana: 
Obviously my poem has a social agenda and for that I do not apologize.  Perhaps as I gain experience the message and the art will come together. 

 

Who Stole My Forty-Fives?

 

Who stole my forty-fives?

Who took away my past?

Who raked away the vinyl testament to innocence?

The homage to recollections buried beneath the digital crust of revolution?

 

Ritual swing of involuntary arm draws back as vinyl drops

Revolving motion repeats the trusted embrace of limb to spinning dreams

 

Come Go With Me

Tears On My Pillow

In The Still Of The Night

 

Who stole my forty-fives? 

Shrouded in lineage of Doo Wop weave

Embroidered by saxophone fire

Loosening the flames from contrite submission

 

Blue Suede Shoes

Good Golly Miss Molly

Teeny Weenie Pock dot Bikini

 

Who stole my forty-fives?

 

My street corner harmony

Brotherhood of imagined splendor

Of voice on voice on voice

 

Pubescent calls of worship for bliss imagined

 

Just To Be With You

Voice on voice on voice

 

There’s a Moon Out Tonight

Voice on voice on voice

 

Stay Just A Little Bit Longer

Voice on voice on voice

 

Who stole my forty-fives?

 

The safety of tomorrow

The comfort of tradition

The surety of macaroni and cheese

Tony the Tiger

Chevy Impala

And Wonder bread

 

When did a family dinner become take out?

Extended family become extinct?

Home become less than a neighborhood?

 

How did the circle break?

The spinning dreams end?

Who Stole my forty-fives?

 

Honky Tonk

Been So Long

The Ten Commandments Of Love

 

Blameless cries for recognition

Before the disconnect

Before the separation of realities

Before my space.com

Before the cellular connection

Even before, beam me up Scotty

 

Daddy’s Home

Hit The Road Jack

Lipstick On Your Collar 

 

Who stole my fort-fives?

Who dissolved the space between heart and hand?

 

Known and unknown

Taste and consumption

Temptation and submission

 

Who said have it now pay later?

Who stole my forty-fives?

 

When did value become a game show?

Politician a dirty word?

When did Goodbye become

Like,have a nice day?

Like when?

Like when?

Like when?

 

Who gave us war in a sound bite?

Death on demand?

Sorrow by instant replay?

Who’s digital finger stole the evening news?

 

And now today’s photos of Americans killed in action

Lieutenant Smith of Alabama

Sergeant Kolowski of Wisconsin

Private nameless of here there and everywhere

They will be missed

Have a nice day

 

Who stole my forty-fives?

Who Stole The Book Of Love?

 

Who stole the time to greave?

To know what death means?

Who decides which deaths are mourned?

Which souls are risen?

 

Roadside bombs kill killed sixty-two today

Three of them American

Have a nice day

Have a nice day

Have a nice day

 

Who stole the other fifty-eight?

Who stole their past?

Who raked away their final testament?

Homage to Sunni

Homage to Shiite

Buried beneath the crust of digital revolution

 

Who stole my forty-fives?

 

Who stole the past laid bare by ritual burrowing

    to hear the weeping needle that hisses and spits and breathes for

    dreams buried deeply

 

Before the World Wide Web

Before the ipod, the CD, the cassette or even the LP 

 

We are more than bits

More than dots

More than fragments scattered across the digital plain

 

We are private nameless of here there and everywhere

We are deaths that will be mourned

 

The blameless cries for recognition

The space between heart and hand

 

But are we the answer to the question?

 

Who stole my forty-fives?

 

 

 

 

 

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 Posted: Sat Nov 4th, 2006 03:29 pm
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lostsocks
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Joined: Sun Jun 11th, 2006
Location: Cambridge, United Kingdom
Posts: 226
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Mana: 
I really really really like this poem

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 Posted: Sat Nov 4th, 2006 03:29 pm
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lostsocks
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Joined: Sun Jun 11th, 2006
Location: Cambridge, United Kingdom
Posts: 226
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Mana: 
no, really

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