I think it flows better on the eye and to the ear. For instance, at the end
just in case, she said"
I can hear her actually saying that.
"she told me all this while waiting
to light her candles, kept above
the stove in case of bad
weather, she said, just in case"
This is too literal. We know what the candles are for in your poem already. Your images are so clear I saw what a candle can do without you telling me so specifically. Your poetry usually lights little candles of imagination in us anyway with the essential use of "spared imagery" rather than cooling it with a waterfall gush of imagery. I wrote one time in a critique of edd's play something like "too much writing makes the reall writing less powerful." (He liked it that is why I mention it here. I think it is true.)
But, basically I have absolutely no reason why except, as I have a character say in a play at one point, "Because it is just better."
Re-writing is like re-arranging a room you just now it looks better.