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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Sunrise

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 Posted: Fri Dec 29th, 2006 03:08 pm
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timothy
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Joined: Fri Dec 15th, 2006
Location: Chicago, Illinois USA
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Mana: 
Sunrise


Seated at the pinnacle of creation,

You brighten the day with smile

Like a burning coal,

You spread your tentacles.

 

Sunrise! Sunrise! Sunrise!

How victorious

You are

When you illuminated

The darkness of yester-night…

 

Last edited on Tue Aug 24th, 2010 03:50 pm by timothy

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 Posted: Thu Jan 4th, 2007 02:37 pm
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ohdear
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Mana: 
"seated at the pinnacle of creation"

What a great line.
So good in fact that it is a hard act to follow
The rest pales

I would love to see more potent words
creating your image


Play with the theme
Enter into the pinnacle of creation
Enjoy the view
I am sure this one can grow

Last edited on Thu Jan 4th, 2007 03:16 pm by ohdear

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 Posted: Thu Jan 4th, 2007 04:06 pm
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timothy
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Mana: 
Thank you for your comment.it's nice to know that someone somewhere enjoys your work

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 Posted: Tue Feb 13th, 2007 01:16 pm
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J Brian Long
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"the darkness of yester-night" is a great line, a wonderful closer. I

wish I had thought of it.

 

--J Brian Long

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