View single post by Kate
 Posted: Fri Aug 4th, 2006 01:24 pm
PM Quote Reply Full Topic
Kate

 

Joined: Thu Aug 3rd, 2006
Location: Chichester, United Kingdom
Posts: 59
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
Hi Nikip

I love the juxtaposition of English teacher - black guy cleaning dog-shit bins - opposing experiences & cultures - and the wonderful surprise that undermines our suppositions-based-on-what-we-see.  The Macbeth discussion - fantastic.   It's all there, Nikip.  Loved your opening:  Hi.  Afternoon. pause. You work next door?  Then there's some fantastic information: Civil Engineering, Simbabwe at gunpoint, Macbeth, Of Mice and Men, working on roads between townships, Asylum seeker in Britain.  And the ending is superb.  My only advice (for what it's worth) is to look at the information in the middle and think about how you deliver it to an audience.  Audiences don't like to be told everything - they like to discover.  It's that old thing of showing, not telling (same as in poetry).  And think about how people talk - interruptions, hesitations, unfinished sentences, overlapping, pauses, etc.  Think about the rhythm.  Think about the interest and entertainment value.  And, most of all, think about seeing and hearing it as you write (i.e. it's for the stage).  Read it aloud.

I think I've gone on enough.  Sorry.  But you MUST develop this.  You must!