View single post by Paddy
 Posted: Fri Aug 4th, 2006 02:44 pm
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Paddy



Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Kitchener, Ontario Canada
Posts: 2448
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Wonderful piece.  This is where, as playwrights, we can think outside of the box.  A lot of the comments, and I read them all, had to do with direction, more than writing.  If I were directing this piece, that pause, after Hi, and afternoon....might be three minutes long.  I thought the exchange was true.  I love half sentences, characters finishing the other's lines, etc, however, in a first encounter, this is truer...more believable.  For some reason, I think I'd switch the first two lines.  Man:  Afternoon  Woman:  Hi.

Nitpicking...but this...You could have just as easily been from Birmingham as South Africa!  Could easily be this, You could have just as easily been from Birmingham...somehow flows better...and the meter of this play is very important.

I wanted her to invite him to her class...and have him inspire and all that dreamy eyed idealism that is always my first instinct.  Then, it was important that this just be a moment in their lives.

Here is something I have learned...the hard way.  I do write truths...I have a weirdo magnet and wacky things happen.  Get down the truth, then lie.  Smile.

I really like this piece a lot.  I'm thinking if she enters, lights the cigarette and smokes the entire thing...that would be the length of your play.  I didn't like the bell, too obvious.  She knows how long she has.  Glance at her watch, put out the cigarette, and you have a ten minute play.

Keep posting.

Wonderful!

Paddy