View single post by in media res
 Posted: Tue Dec 14th, 2010 04:39 pm
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in media res

 

Joined: Sun Jul 2nd, 2006
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kris,

St. Joseph: Patron Saint of a Happy Death.

"Doris thinks I’m still a person." A painful line. And a loving line. Nice combo.

"The lather warms me to my toes" Oooooooooh. How true.

Only line I have some question about:

Ridding the razor of detrital stubble.

I always read poems aloud.

Though I liked the play of several combinations of the percussive sounds in DeTriTal sTuBBle and each word ending with a lingering "L" sound. But it still seemed unnecessary. And the repetition of the "R" sound in Ridding the Razor also is works.

Only word I question is "detrital." Jumped at me as unnecessary. Or there may be a better word. Maybe because it is three syllables instead of two throwing off the rhythm of the line. Is there a 2 syllable word available?

I am quibbling, I know, and I apologize. But it kind of poked me a bit.



best,

in media res
.

Last edited on Wed Dec 15th, 2010 02:13 pm by in media res