View single post by QuixotesGhost
 Posted: Fri Feb 25th, 2011 04:20 pm
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QuixotesGhost

 

Joined: Thu Feb 25th, 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 89
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Liked it, favorite bits were; 'Turn it over - with your mind," and the precise scream.

If you wanted to rewrite this for a more general audience, it would seem to me that you need to supply alternate explanations for all the arbitrary rules these characters are subject to. For example, Why is Man 1 reading a book but cannot or is unwilling to turn the pages - that to me is a question that could have all sorts of interesting answers besides the meta-theatrical. Is he a reading addict and so has limited himself to a single page per night to curb his addiction? Was he attacked by a flock of birds as a small child and the rustling of pages remind him of the rustling of wings? Is the book simply so good that he doesn't want it to end and so reads the same page over and over again?

There's already this theme of these arbitrary rules that the characters are subjected to but don't really know why - through the commision rules, but also through the officer.

Also, certain things in this piece are already general meta-theatrical instead of specific to the commision rules - so you could either make the meta-theatre more general, abandon the meta-theatre and just explore arbitrary rules, or introduce the commision rules somehow in the script itself (and the commision rules don't necesarily have to be related to theatre, they might be incorporated as the whims of a prison warden, for example.)