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 Posted: Wed May 25th, 2011 05:13 pm
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in media res

 

Joined: Sun Jul 2nd, 2006
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Mana: 
Nice work, Clausey. I like the characters. We get introduced to the locality easily. There is some wisdom in Tammy. Dialogue is good. New info slips in...does' not feel forced.

Except this line:

GEORGE: Are you helping me or just rambling on about the most obscene things I've ever heard?!

To me, I felt it sounded more like the writer commenting than George.

Spelling note: It is "cease' not "seize."

Yeah, keep going. Lots of fun so far, and it has lots of possibilities of where it could go with the characters you describe.

Best,

in media res