View single post by Clausey
 Posted: Tue Dec 13th, 2011 06:33 am
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Clausey

 

Joined: Mon Jun 8th, 2009
Location: California USA
Posts: 47
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Mana: 
Hey Raymond,

Read your bit. It was really interesting from what I read. I'm assuming you want to take a more absurdist point of view. If thats the case, I'd say commit fully to it. What I mostly mean by this is that some lines like the opening dialogue seems to lack the personality that your play reflects.

The vernacular you chose was interesting but I believe some rhythm can be called into action. One of the beauties of absurdism is that the language can be emotionally engaging and socially liberating through an abnormal structure. I'm skeptical about giving you this comment because I have yet to read the rest of your play and I may misguide you if my wording is misinterpreted. To get a better taste of Rhythm I'd recommend reading Tennessee William's one act Suddenly Last Summer. I can send you a copy in PDF format if you'd like.

On that same note one of the dangers I've seen of people forcing rhythm is that it becomes what I coined in my Playwrighting course as "Hipsterly Pretentious"

One thing that my director brain did while reading this was envisioning the doctor and the lawyer as the same person and having him physically transform on stage. For some reason I also pictured many mannequins whose clothing can be taken off. But I digress, your play, like always has a lot of potential.

I'd type more but my computer is broken and I must write all of this out on my iPad.