View single post by JustGoWithIt
 Posted: Tue Dec 11th, 2012 04:25 am
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JustGoWithIt



Joined: Wed Jan 20th, 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 75
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Mana: 
The concept is very original - the main character echoed my thoughts in that this not the Hell we're always being taught about. I really got sucked into this.

My thoughts on the next scene...while you've crafted an interesting enough backstory for the mother and father, their exchange seems a little too blunt and on-the-nose. Try and cut down on them saying "You're just (insert character flaw here) and let that simmer as their subtext if you can. The end of the scene did make quite an impact, though - we know Armand's going to die and thus there's a palpable amount of dramatic irony.