View single post by timmy
 Posted: Wed Oct 23rd, 2019 04:33 am
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timmy

 

Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1084
Status: 
Offline
Mana: 
I'd get rid of the capitalized first line / every line. It offers nothing but confusion to the reader.

Like the vulture image...grabs me. Might consider creating a stanza break after L3.
Maybe again afte L6. Last line should be by itself. But I don't understand the comma in the last line. Purpose?

Maybe even create another two line stanza from the last line.

Last edited on Wed Oct 23rd, 2019 04:34 am by timmy