View single post by in media res
 Posted: Fri Oct 13th, 2006 12:39 pm
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in media res


Joined: Sun Jul 2nd, 2006
Posts: 1944

I get the feeling behind the poem.

But, I don't like the layout of this poem. It was confusing to me. And it did not have to be.

Punctuation marks, which are the road signs to meaning, as well as the layout in this poem, confuse here. Unnecessarily so, I believe.

The point to a poem (or any writing) is clarity; and the resulting mystery which exists beyond and also within that clarity, which will be as unique as each individual who reads the poem.

For example, when one asks for directions to travel someplace there are people who can give you the most roundabout, confusing, directions then you get lost trying to get there.

Then, you stop another guy along the way and ask for the same directions and he says, "Oh just go down here two blocks and take a left at the big tree. Go one block and it's right on the corner. Can't miss it." That is what format and punctuation are for... at least to me. It also is a clue to the reader as how to "perform" the poem out loud.

Playing around/
enting with for
mat is one thing. But to
do it for any
reason other than
clarity has ne
ver ma
de sense to m

(I know there are poets who VIO

For instance is there any reason why you split "can not" into two separate lines? Why no period or some separating marker (a roadside stop!) after "breathing" and on down the line?

What is interesting though, in your format, whether intentional or not, is the stanza (but it is not really a stanza in the true senes of a stanza.)

lovers cannot,
leaving only perfume,
rumpled covers,
cold, half empty
glasses of scotch

Because of your formatting it could mean "rumpled covers cold"


cold half empty glasses of scotch.

Both are interesting choices if I were reading it out loud for interpretation. I am sure you meant the scotch, but it is a possibility it could be the covers.

I advise trying other formatting. It doesn't mean keeping everything on one line in any traditional sense. I just ask when I read a poem, "Why did the writer do it that way and for what reason? What is gained by that?"

I was working construction for a guy when I was a kid and he said to me. "You know I've never seen a fella work so hard and waste so much energy doing a job. For every job there is a proper tool. Go get a different shovel."
That is how I look upon using punctuation: It is a tool box. And our job as writers is finding and using the proper tools.

But, neat poem.It is not a confusing poem to me. Just the formatting was confusing.

I hope you are collecting them into a volume...or twenty!

in media res

Last edited on Fri Oct 13th, 2006 12:58 pm by in media res