View single post by *elana*
 Posted: Fri Nov 3rd, 2006 08:53 pm
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*elana*

 

Joined: Mon Oct 23rd, 2006
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Mana: 
I think this is a very interesting concept for a play, and a great start...

Some of it, though, was a bit too heavy-handed for my tastes. Particularly the interaction between Fanny and John. Because their interaction revolves entirely around John's illness, their conversation becomes cliched very quickly and I don't get the sense that their relationship exists beyond the current circumstances. Does that make sense? It might be an interesting exercise to imagine what their relationship was like BEFORE John got sick, some of the things they did together on a day-to-day basis. Furthermore, what exactly IS John's illness? It seems like something that happens to me all of the time in the early stages of drafting a play or a scene, and I'm sure many playwrights can relate to--we haven't worked the specifics of the relationships/characters out in our heads, so the characters themselves speak in generalities. Going by the realistic interactions that (I assume) you seem to be aiming at, the more specific you make the characters, the better. It might help to focus on one element of their conversation (like John's decision to refuse the procedure that will extend his life), and come into that conversation at a specific moment in time (right after he's told Fanny, for example, or a week after, as Fanny's last-ditch attempt to influence him, or even right before...you get the idea).

It seems to me like you have a full play's worth of ideas here, that you are trying to fit into a 10-minute form. I would suggest to either narrow your ideas or expand your form to suit the subject matter and develop the characters and situations more.

That said, you did a great job at differentiating the time periods through language. I am definitely intrigued by the subject matter and would be very interested to see how this develops. Cheers!

Elana