View single post by J Brian Long
 Posted: Wed Apr 11th, 2007 12:50 pm
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J Brian Long

 

Joined: Tue Jan 30th, 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 77
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in media res,

After the first read, I was a bit put off by the (what-I-then-viewed-as) overbearing

cheerfulness (the sticky-sweetness) in all but the last strophe of the poem. Some of your

descriptors ("glee-filled", "heads-held-high", "unprisoned", "fresh") combined with a few of

your verb choices ("canter", "bounce", "bloom", "cooing', "tickles", "flutters", "skip") as well

as your references to robins and turtle-doves and little girls dancing prompted my initial

reaction. But when I think of Chicago and poetry, I think of Sandburg (he is one of my

favorite poets), who wrote poems in the same vein-- in fact, I think his poems are read

best and best read when enjoyed on a porch swing in the throes of some April mid-daytime

(and if there be windchimes there, all the better!) So I re-read your poem in that mind-set

and shrugged off my initial misgivings; as a result, I found it rather enjoyable.

 

These words: "canter", "trot", and "gait" are equine in nature (usually). They seem, to me,

disparate in relation to the overall tonsorial and obliquely meteorological themes of the piece.

The botanical and faunal terms near the end of the second strophe don't seem to be

as dislocated since they are merely included and passed over, but there seems to be a

deliberaton to the equine references that begs either elaboration or assimilation as a

method to adhere to a consistency to the theme of the poem.

 

I love what you did with clip-clipping, blow-blowing, style-styling, comb-combing.

 

What you say so well with your closing strophe makes the asides you employ

reminding the reader you are writing about a "Chicago" spring and a "Chicago"

April unnecessary. The poem says it so that you don't necessarily have to (I

think).

 

I enjoyed your poem, in media res, and I admire what comments of yours to poems

and plays I have read. Your advice and responses to me have been particularly helpful.

 

You seem bright and creative. I look forward to reading more of your work.

 

--J Brian Long

 

 

 

 

 

Last edited on Wed Apr 11th, 2007 01:17 pm by J Brian Long