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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Fifty White Stones

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Fifty White Stones  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Wed Apr 4th, 2007 10:38 pm
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J Brian Long
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Joined: Tue Jan 30th, 2007
Location: USA
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Mana: 
Timmy,

If you would allow me the honor, I would like to publish your poem in

an upcoming edition of the regional print magazine for which I edit

the poetry section. PM me if you are interested.

--J Brian Long

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 Posted: Wed Apr 4th, 2007 10:12 pm
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
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JBrianLong:

...you're welcome. I do not at the present time have a poetry book in the hopper, nor will I have one in the near future. Later? Perhaps...I want to try and land a chapbook deal at some point but have neither the time nor energy right now. I've been gathering information to attempt something, although my reaction time rivals a snail. However, responses to certain poems have given me encouragement, and who knows?

I'm currently coaching golf (my first love in personal pursuits...by a mile) at my high school and only write on the sly, posting here and there. As with my short plays (b/c that's all I ever write), I've been enjoying a small run of success. I love to read poetry almost as much as writing it, and will be doing so on April 20th. The fact I was even invited swells my head to no end (although not to the point of "arrogance" Other poets will also be there who are better than me :)

Thank you for your interest and comments. Being Easter, here is one you may enjoy since I "sensed" from your website a certain leaning toward the spiritual aspects of life:

Mother, Mary

your boy is perfect
in every way, more
perfect than you
could have imagined

even his flaws are part
of his perfection, such is
the curse of being human

and you often wonder when
the exact moment descended,
wonder what you were
doing and where you were
when you realized loving
him would never be enough

that it would take nothing
short of a miracle for you
to keep him, and an even
bigger miracle to let him go

I continue to post things here for no other reason than the simple fact I can. Keeping in touch w/the theater thread of my life is important to me...

timmy

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 Posted: Wed Apr 4th, 2007 05:45 pm
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J Brian Long
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Joined: Tue Jan 30th, 2007
Location: USA
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Timmy,

First, thank you for the visit. If you had but called, I would have made tea. Or

at least had some decent beer or even a soda in the 'fridge. It was good to

see you, nevertheless. I appreciate the kind words regarding my poetry.

 

Thank you also for the maturity you displayed in your response; I wonder

if you can imagine the number of times I have responded to a poem in

a way similar to the way in which I did yours only to be greeted with a not-

too-friendly reply. I used to be sensitive in that way myself, so I can't get

too upset about it when it happens; it took me a long time (too long) to

seperate my "self" from my poems, even longer to be able to do so with

other persons in regard to their poetry (I once labored under the delusion that

if someone wrote beautiful poems, then he or she must be a beautiful soul

as well; I feel terribly silly about it now). I would bet you have already figured

these things out.

 

I read somewhere that you were coming out with a collection of poems. Where

can I get one?

 

--J Brian Long

 

 

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 Posted: Tue Apr 3rd, 2007 07:55 pm
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timmy
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JBrianLong...i visited your website.  You "might" be arrogant, but I like your poetry...i don't mind...

timmy

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 Posted: Tue Apr 3rd, 2007 05:26 pm
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J Brian Long
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Timmy,

Because I am arrogant enough and also because I like this poem, I

took some liberties with it and reposted it for you. All I did was

pare some wording, rearrange some things. This edit is a hurried one;

I might have ruined the poem; you and I both might hate it.  It might

be good to delete the last three lines. If you decide to include the last strophe,

I think a more solid ending, something beyond "lasting" that would tie up the

poem more neatly would benefit the piece. That's what I think right now. Later I

may change my mind about the why of it, but I would imagine I will still like poem

even so. Anyway, here's something to fool with:

--J Brian Long

 

blue sky blends
into a somber fog,
a soon-darkness
that will drop the ground
a little lower

and if i am to be translated
like this winged she creature,
she of bending back and black
wings, if i am ever to be
as permanent, let it be here
in this northern field
where i have stopped
among fifty white stones, long & flat;
being here is less like surrender


fifty years will do this to a person looking
for signs, looking for any reason that having been 
can be as lasting

 

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 Posted: Tue Apr 3rd, 2007 02:49 pm
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timmy
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Joined: Fri Jun 9th, 2006
Location: Oz, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1079
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Mana: 
blue sky blends
into a somber fog,
soon darkness
will drop the ground
a little bit lower

and if i am to be translated
like this winged she creature,
she of bending back and black
wings of stability, if i am ever to be
as permanent, let it be here
in this northern field
of rest where i have stopped
among fifty white stones, long & flat

above me returning geese
glide in instinctual rhythm
to the pull of warming spring breeze--
they too must toil before rest,
before being rewarded

being here is less like surrender
than desperate justification; fifty
years will do that to a person looking
for signs of duration, looking
for any reason that having been
here can be almost as lasting

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