LIGHTS UP ON TIM’S LIVING ROOM. TIM SITS ON SOFA. MALLORY ENTERS.
TIM: Six clowns and now you walk in!
MALLORY: God, Tim. Nice to see you, too. (pause) Did you say clowns?
TIM: The clowns on my sofa. What clowns did you think I was talking about? (MALLORY sits down) Watch out, you nearly sat on Billy’s face. (MALLORY looks skeptically at TIM)
MALLORY: Okay…supposing there are clowns. What are they doing in your living room?
TIM: I met them at O’Malleys. I was having a beer, trying to get over…well, you, actually…and they came over and started drinking. I bet you didn’t know that clowns are not only social but are really hard drinkers, and yet they never even get tipsy. It’s amazing.
MALLORY: And so…these should-have-been-but-were-not-inebriated clowns--
TIM: I mentioned that you left me. Clowns hate bad news, so that got them drinking even more. At midnight, the bartender cut me off, and the clowns walked me home and then they insisted on coming in for a nightcap. So I opened the champagne we’d bought to celebrate our anniversary--
MALLORY: You served them the Monet and Chandon? Our Moet and Chandon?
TIM: Well, Mal, we weren’t going to need it, so why not? They drank and whooped it up, and then I said, Okay, clowns, you gotta go, I have a big meeting tomorrow, but they wouldn’t leave.
MALLORY: You didn’t have to get shit-faced with the clowns.
TIM: I told you, I got shit-faced, they didn’t. (pause) Why not?
MALLORY: Because…I came here to say… I’m sorry we fought. I’m sorry I walked out. (MALLORY kisses TIM, then pauses.) But did you have to give the clowns our champagne?
TIM (puzzled look): Mal…what clowns? Do you see any clowns?
MALLORY (pause): Well, no-- but—
TIM (pops open bottle, pours two glasses ): This was gonna get pretty dusty on the shelf.
MALLORY: No clowns--
TIM: Just clowning. A toast to us. (They clink glasses and drink. Lights fade out.) END
I like the absurdity of this. I'm not entirely sure I liked the ending. I suppose I wouldn't much mind that he had been kidding about the champagne, but I find I do mind that he was kidding about the clowns.
If felt, for me, as if it sat on the fence of the absurd...and I wanted it to fall either into the yard or the toilet.