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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > Confessions of a Freshman (1971)

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Confessions of a Freshman (1971)  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Sun Feb 8th, 2009 11:25 pm
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timmy
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Mana: 
All of us boys heard the stories
about those senior girls, those girls
with school yard cigarettes
between their red lip-
stick lips

red lips that could do anything,
at least those were the stories
we boys heard.

One of those girls, the one
in the light blue halter-top,
the one showing the shadows
of her nipples in the fluorescent
lighting of the sea green-
tiled hallway

the way the circles changed color
when she walked outside in-
to the school’s stale, humid air.

She was so physical, she was so
well known, she was known to sleep
on the beach, to let water lap
against her body, allow its coolness
to surround her after another body
had used it.

And when she passed us boys
in the green-tiled hallway the next
Monday morning, we boys would stare
at her darkening nipples, follow her
every step, hope to gather even
the slightest granules of her
still shedding sand.

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 Posted: Mon Feb 9th, 2009 01:47 pm
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Potabasil
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One "Our father"

Three "Hail Marys"

And a


Glory Be

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 Posted: Mon Feb 9th, 2009 02:01 pm
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in media res
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Captures memories of a lot of hopes and dreams.

I hope I'll be looking for those slightest granules of sand till I'm in my grave! (Example of a perfect usage/positioning of a word: "slightest.")

Thanks timmy.

Potabasil: The whole Rosary. Sorrowful mysteries!

best,

in media res

Last edited on Mon Feb 9th, 2009 02:03 pm by in media res

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 Posted: Mon Feb 9th, 2009 10:48 pm
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Potabasil
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 Summer of 42 in Timmy's poem or am I wrong?

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 Posted: Tue Feb 10th, 2009 04:08 am
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timmy
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Potabasil:

if I remember correctly, the woman in "Summer of '42" was married (and widowed) and older than my senior girl in the blue halter top...

but thanks for bringing up the memory...I always enjoyed that movie. Almost as much as I enjoy your responses. :)

timmy

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 Posted: Tue Feb 10th, 2009 01:49 pm
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Potabasil
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Timmy

Potabasil sometimes has Senior Moments.  But I do love this particular poem.  It also reminds me of my youth and how we sized up the lads over their in Ireland

Last edited on Tue Feb 10th, 2009 05:32 pm by Potabasil

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 Posted: Tue Feb 10th, 2009 05:29 pm
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in media res
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Jeniffer O'Neill!

Yeah, timmy, I don't think the girls in your poem were quite the caliber of her at their age.

Irish girls sizing up lads? Noooooooooo!


Another Rosary.


in media res

Last edited on Tue Feb 10th, 2009 05:33 pm by in media res

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 Posted: Tue Feb 10th, 2009 06:31 pm
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Potabasil
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Curiously enough.  I was speaking to a school friend in Dublin this a.m.  There is a Reunion this Friday of the class of 19??  God I wish I was their. There we were chatting about the girls and how we were then.  Majority of the girls got married. All had children, a few adopted, a few lost.  A sad story of one girl who had everything (still does) and her best friend from a large family saw this dress and was saving like mad for it.  Next thing at the local dance one Friday night, her best friend arrives in wearing the dress.  They haven't spoken since.

Timmy you have us all remembering the ould days

Potabasil

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 Posted: Fri Feb 5th, 2010 06:38 pm
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mommy2amy1
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Wow, I am speechless.

Love it....

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 Posted: Sun Feb 28th, 2010 04:29 am
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Alan
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Yeah, this one's a beauty. I'm up late, for some reason sifting through your poems like I've found a nice shell collection. It's some good sifting. Thanks.

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 Posted: Sun Feb 28th, 2010 06:29 pm
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lostsocks
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I enjoyed reading this :)

Witty, nostalgic, and very close to home

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