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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Critique my Play > The Expatriate Marriage

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The Expatriate Marriage  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Tue Aug 1st, 2006 03:47 pm
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Swann1719
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Last edited on Wed Sep 19th, 2007 03:02 pm by Swann1719

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 Posted: Tue Aug 1st, 2006 05:21 pm
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Edd
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Swann,

I loved this.  What wonderful dialogue.  You release information slowly like a good striptease or the peeling of an onion.  Brava!  And that is all I will say of an unfinished work.  So quick!  Finish it!

I do have something I am  really critical about and it's generally the fault of most young playwrights.  So everyone, listen up please.

NEVER use directions like Stage Right, Stage Left, Up Stage. Down etc.  NEVER.  I used to do this all the time till a director knocked me down, tied me up, locked me in a cellar, beat me and starved me till I promised never to do it again.  Directors and scenic designers might have different ideas for the layout of the set. So those directions are useless and confusing.  What the director and the actor need to know is where they are coming from and where they are going. Enter Stage Right means nothing.  Enter from garden gives the actor information.  I'm coming from the garden to here, why?  What was I doing in the garden?  How would the reason for my being in the garden or what I was doing in the garden affect the body language of my entrance.  When exiting it is never stage this or that, but rather exiting to where.  To tinkle?  Well, that might effect the way in which one exits.

I'll be watching.  Thank you.

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 Posted: Tue Aug 1st, 2006 08:10 pm
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lostsocks
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This was brilliant, I quite literally went "awwww damn!" when it finished where it did.


Write More :)

The characters are really human, with interesting conflicts, interests, etc, but without the pretence that more naturalistic stuff can fall into.
Very good indeed

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 Posted: Tue Aug 1st, 2006 10:42 pm
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Swann1719
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Gentlemen:

 

Your kind words have made my day!  thank you, I will press on.  And thanks, Edd for the tip about stage direction.  Much appreciated. 

Lostsocks, I'm headed to Cambridge this weekend.  Inlaws there.  But you could probably have worked that out from the excerpt . . .

Thanks again! 

 

Swann

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 Posted: Wed Aug 2nd, 2006 07:20 am
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lostsocks
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lol I had an inkling.
I hope the weather holds out for your trip :)

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 Posted: Wed Aug 2nd, 2006 03:46 pm
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Paddy
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Excellent dialogue!  The characters are very real and engaging.

I'm not sure about the fact that probably the most conflict, the thearapist's session, is talked about rather than shown.  If you could find a way to weave the conflict into what is actually happening, rather than what has happened that we weren't privy to, it would make it more exciting for the audience.

I agree, that you alway things so unfurl at a very perfect pace.

What is an American hug?

Keep at it.

Paddy

 

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 Posted: Mon Aug 7th, 2006 11:55 am
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nikip
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Loved this again Swann.  I am so engaged with the characters immediately I start reading this play, and I don't want it to stop.  The dialogue is living, fast moving and has realistic but engaging topic jumps that move the plot forward beautifully.  Unlike Paddy, I rather liked the suggestion of the therapy at this stage, rather than the knowledge of it.  I quite like the mystery of what took place there and would like to find out more later rather than sooner.  I LOVE THIS PLAY! I find plays terribly difficult to read off the page, but I find this one comes to life from the first word x

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 Posted: Mon Aug 7th, 2006 12:25 pm
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Swann1719
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Thank you, Nikip.  You're kind.  Revisions are in the revision forum (I think just one down) if you're interested. 

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 Posted: Mon Aug 7th, 2006 12:54 pm
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nikip
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Not kindness Swann, but genuine response x

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 Posted: Thu Aug 24th, 2006 06:01 am
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leon
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i did read this a while back, and don't know why i didn't comment.  really like it.  characters and dialog are top notch.  and i DO like that the couple speaks about their therapy session.  something can simmer early, and come out later on in the play. 

was bob the builder really in vietnam?  really?  don't mess with me... it'll be like finding out about the easter bunny all over again.

 

a very good beginning.

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 Posted: Fri Dec 22nd, 2006 01:25 am
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sheilbronner
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RACHEL M!

Is this you...somewhere...out there?  I'd love to find you.  If you ever receive this...do send me a note to sheilbronner@hotmail.com.

I've thought of you now and then, and I'd love a life update.  I can see from this that you're still writing.  London v. Wales?  Can't tell.

 

Hope you and yours are well.

Much love,

sue heilbronner

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