I really like the premise of two people on a blind date that are mutually appauled by each other...but I'm nervous about your use of cell phones. By having both of your characters on the phone with other people it limits the interaction they can have with each other...which I am really curious to see. Or maybe you could have a split stage where each of your characters has a post-date conversation with whoever set them up...and then we can see them interact with people on stage, even if they aren't interacting with each other. But what you have is very funny.
Holy City - Thanks...it was actually written to help walk a crowd of people from the theatre to another venue. It's more of a "happening" than a play, IMO.
Thanks Paddy, the "dudes" don't bother me. But you're right, there's something not quite right about this guy, indeed :)
could be even funnier if they were both speaking about the same event with different points of view that clashed and pointed out differences in perspective. like if she said something like...
his face kept shriveling up like an old lady. i don't know why.
and then he says,
she kept cutting the mustard every two minutes. it was like freakin fourth of july!
i know, but cutting the cheese is so old hat. what about cutting the provolone? or the parmesan? (a little stinkier) gives the audience a moment's pause, then they get it. kind of like you're creating your own expressions. once wrote a screenplay where the teenagers used all expressions i made up. like the cheerleaders instead of saying Wow, or awesome said stuff like bubble! or "trip me out!"
guess i thought they'd get made one day and my inventions would make their way into our vernacular.
I am new here and don't know much about writing plays but I think you have something good here. I think the dialogue is fresh and believable and the play is funny. I like "I used my special powers to lose him in the crowd". :)
