Ineffective language. Washboard as easel seems comical. Though this falls flat for me. Somewhat confusing, disjointed your switch from objective "use the washboard" to "as her easel". Shouldn't it be 'your' easel.
Also in general, too much telling here. Show don't tell. Fallen and penitent. Would like to see how she is penitent.
One wishes for more specificity in such a work. More insight. The engagement is at a low ebb. Reduced to mere commentary.
Plain writing such as this is met with lukewarm response. Amateurish & pale.
Wow, erslyman, I think I posted my last poem a couple months ago and now I think it will remain my last poem posted here. It's not like I plan to publish any of my offerings -- they're just my spirit expressing itself. I think I shall forget about poetry and take up painting in times of spiritual inspiration.
I hope Paul leaves this thread as a lesson in the Forum's acceptance of anyone's criticism no matter how unschooled, discourteous and unprofessional which - in my opinion - it is. I have read other things by erlysman that were not written in this manner.
(However, if criticism is severe and personal, that is another story, and as in the past has been removed.)
I sent my critique of this poem to potabasil in a PM, and she responded professionally and courteously, which she and most of us on the Forum is our habit to do.
Potabasil, at least in my eyes, has advanced in this Forum more than anyone I have witnessed in three years here in her poetry. It has been truly a delight and more than wonderful to watch her growth and experimentation.
We all have enjoyed the stumblings of creativity each of us have gone through openly on this Forum. Anyone who is a regular on this Forum knows what I am talking about. And for those who are new members or guests, learn from this. We all have helped each other enormously and are willing to help anyone.
Potabasil's level-headed responding comment in the face of severe criticism from erlysman (and I make no judgment upon him/her personally; just how erlysman's comments were phrased) is an example of what can be/has been learned by not only potabasil but many of us on this most wonderful Forum. We gain guts and confidence in our work and submit it on an open Forum for critique....not condemnation.
I suggest erlysman rent "The Magdelene Sister" from Netflix.
Coming from the Roman Catholic Diocese that had the highest percentage of pedophile/sexually abusive priests in the United States - not number: Boston had that by sheer size, but percentile - and knowing most of them as I was an altar boy in the Cathedral parish (unmolested) I can tell you potabasil hit the nail on the head.
erlysman, your opinion is registered But there is a courteous way to register it and a discourteous way to register it. I hope it will be left on the Forum as an example of what not to do.
timmy, I think this is the first time I have ever seen you use a vulgarity on this Forum. Do you talk that way when you miss a four foot birdie putt?! Must I cover my eyes?! Makes me want to take up golf again and drive up to Minnesota to play a round!
edd: keep posting. Poets are born to arm wrestle with the Philistines!
in media res
P. S. "Washboard as easel" seems painfully, excruciatingly perfect.