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The Playwrights Forum > The Art & Craft of Writing > Poet's Corner : Critique my Poem > The Snakes Will Eat Their Own Tales

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The Snakes Will Eat Their Own Tales  Rate Topic 
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 Posted: Sat Jan 16th, 2010 04:06 pm
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lostsocks
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Mana: 
First the banker takes some money
Which he gives to your boss
And bumps the interest up
So we borrow at a loss

Your boss takes the money
but he ain't so into giving
He pays you to work
Not to earn a living

You labour pretty hard
Produce a lot of cash
Your boss takes most of this
And puts it in his stash

The king takes a share
And your boss pays the banks
leaving you a pittance
For which you give your thanks

And of your little pittance
The king takes a share
And your landlord too
Although he's never there

You put your pittance in the bank
To save it from the rain
And your bank will pay your boss
To do it all again.

And the fat cats will all laugh
Cos the joke is pretty funny
We've gone and built a system
Where they sell you your own money

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 Posted: Sat Jan 16th, 2010 05:55 pm
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RTurco
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Mana: 
What a great little poem! It almost sounds like a political nursery rhyme.

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 Posted: Sun Feb 28th, 2010 06:34 pm
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lostsocks
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Mana: 
Thanks :)

That was what I was aiming at.

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 Posted: Wed Mar 3rd, 2010 03:09 pm
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Darkja
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Mana: 
I love it especially the title :-)

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 Posted: Wed Mar 3rd, 2010 07:19 pm
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in media res
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Mana: 
lostsocks.

As usual, you show your unique twist.

I would say the king takes "his" share

And of your little pittance
The king takes a share
And your landlord too
Although he's never there

In the above stanza the 3rd line doesn't scan as well as the rest of the poem.

"And so your landlord too" maybe works??!!! If you are looking for the nursery rhyme I think it could work.

Hey, Mother Goose, isn't what she used to be. She had to cook her Goose to feed herself! She's not a gosling to her name.

Good to see you around again.


best,

IMR

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